Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

From the design house to the outhouse…

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porta fashion models 490

Lamar, now that our fashion show is underway, please tell me you managed to keep costs down. I hope you didn’t throw away a lot of money on extravagances and luxury doodads.

porta fashion 240We’re on the same page, Boss. I didn’t even rent an expensive backstage dressing room this time. Look out there, our models will just change outfits onstage.

What? In front of the audience? Who wants to see that?

Not to worry, Boss, I rented five Porta-Johns as on-stage changing rooms. They were dirt cheap, though I did have to pay a little for permission to dig holes in the stage.

Yikes! I hope you know what  you’re doing, Lamar. Speaking of which, where’s our men’s room? It’s time for my daily constitutional, and I’ve got my sports section right here.

How Blog Guy made the Naughty List

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USA/

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

night before smoke 220The stockings were waiting, but what do you think?

Santa decided to go for a drink!

“My life really sucks!” he told bartender Steve,

“It seems like I’m working on EACH Christmas Eve!

“My marriage is finished, my wife says I’m weird,

“She don’t understand me, she don’t like my beard!

“I think I’ll try freedom, I’ll give it a whirl!

“Perhaps I’ll end up with a cheerleader girl!

USA/“I’m totally serious! It isn’t a joke!

“I’ll tell you the best part, but I need a smoke!”

Then Santa went outside, now Dasher, now Dancer,

Too hammered to read the big warning of cancer,

The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath

His cheeks were like roses, his eyes all a-twinkle,

He lurched to the men’s room, and stopped for a tinkle

GERMANY/As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

He demanded another martini, dry

Then I heard him exclaim with his mouth like a potty,

“That fricking Blog Guy has been TERRIBLY naughty!

“I swear by my reindeer and each little hoofy,

“He’s been running photos of me that are goofy!

“I know who’s been good, and I know who has not,

“And on Christmas, that Blog Guy is opening squat!”

night before cheer 490

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Top: Participants in SantaCon Boston 2010, a gathering of people dressed as Santa going from bar to bar, drink at the Asgard Pub in Cambridge, Massachusetts, December 18, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Right: SantaCon participant smokes outside the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Left: SantaCon participant drinks a beer at the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Did you gals get enough coffee?

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FASHION/

Lamar, get in my office, right now! You’re the one who arranged for the dressing room and backstage facilities for the models here at the fashion show, right?

model georgia face 220That’s right, Boss. You think I went overboard?

What amenities did you order?

Jeez, I’ll have to look at my copy of the contract, Boss. Let’s see. A mirror, a table, a metal chair, a fancy, deluxe, top-of-the-line coat rack, a splintered plank floor….

So you guys work out, or what?

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RUSSIA/

Say, you guys are kinda cute! You come here often?

bodybuilding bar face 1 200Eeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

I see. Yeah, I’ve heard this is a bodybuilder bar, is that what you boys do?

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Well, you have real sweet smiles, both of you. No wonder the girls all love this place. Some of those other bars are so stuffy, making guys wear shirts and pants!

Imagine there’s no toilet, it’s easy if you try…

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Blog Guy, the last sign of the approaching Apocalypse you told us about was singer Justin Bieber publishing his memoirs, but I believe there was another one this week that you overlooked.

BRITAIN-LENNON/Those of us sitting out here waiting for the End of the World count on your blog for timely telltale signs.

Putting the pee back in Presley?

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elvis bathrooms 1 490

Blog Guy, you’ve written a lot about toilet facilities overseas, a topic of great interest to Americans planning to travel. Anything else we should be on the lookout for in foreign lands?

PHILIPPINES/Yes. Some tourists may be surprised at the large number of places offering THREE kinds of restrooms instead of just two.

Somebody eatin’ garlic hummus in here?

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PALESTINIAN/

Today we pay another visit to the growing sport of Bathroom Bodybuilding, more popularly known as “Pottybuilding.”

The participant seen here has guys doing Lord-knows-what to him in a seedy men’s room, but he doesn’t care because he gets to look at himself in the big mirror.

Travel tips, or just more yellow urinalism?

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lots of toilets 490

Blog Guy, I’m an American planning some overseas travel. As you know, the main thing we look for in foreign countries is good toilets. What can I expect to find?

It’s different in each country, of course, but here are some examples. In the top photo, you can see typical public toilets in Asia. There is no privacy, and the only difference between the men’s and women’s restrooms are that the women’s are pink.

Toilet timer to eliminate waste?

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Now and then an idea comes along that is so bad, it deserves a place in the Bad Idea Hall of Fame. Maybe you remember such brainstorms as the hotel bed-warming service, the “marriage hunting bra,” the plan to get civil servants to mingle with the public

AFGHANISTAN/

But I digress. From the UK comes news that  workers in an office have been given a 10-minute limit in the toilet. A hidden sensor switches off the toilet light when their time is finished, even if they aren’t.

Facilities for the fancy people

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USA/Blog Guy, I read with interest your post about cities to avoid because their public restrooms are so bad.

What bothers me is, in the picture you used, those were just regular folks lining up to use that one toilet in Paris.