Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

“Stupid” guy zooms to the top!

Photo
-

victoria-300.jpgBlog Guy, me and my friends don’t read books at the beach any more. Instead, we use wireless to surf your blog and read it aloud to each other. It’s a great way to attract chicks. 

I wanted to be sure I had your most popular posts from the month of June. What were they?

These were my top five most popular posts for June. I’m using an unrelated photo because, well, do you want to see Victoria’s Secret models, or some guy with needles all over him?

5. And the fastest-growing stupid sport is…

4. Enjoy your lavish 38-cent lunch…move along…

3.  ‘Lock and load’ means it’s safe, right?

2. Toilet’s broken… Next one’s 210 miles south!

1. Yeah? Could a stupid guy do this?

Victoria’s Secret Angels pose during a 2008 appearance in New York. REUERS/Brendan McDermid

Manure bomb chick falls into feces, flees naked!

Photo
-

manure-crop-160.jpgThis is the feel-good story of the month. It seems this woman trying to make “manure bombs” slipped into a tank of dung and fled the crime scene, naked. Police found her clothing in a field.

Now, a couple of observations. First, if it takes the cops more than 20 minutes to find her, they really suck. A naked, manure-covered chick  in a rural area stands out, except maybe during sorority hazing week. No guy in a car is going to pick her up, because, well, naked or not, a guy has to draw the line somewhere.

Toilet’s broken… Next one’s 210 miles south!

Photo
-

plumbers-140.jpgIf you’re aboard the International Space Station, the very last thing you want to see – maybe except for alien life forms seeping through the vents – is an “out of order” sign on the only toilet. Sadly, that’s pretty much the situation. They are up to their astronauts in plumbing problems.

Not to get indelicate, but crew members reportedly have been fumbling with plastic bags since their zero-gravity toilet made “a loud noise” and stopped working properly last week. Ewwwwwwww!

When gamers go Wii Wii…

Photo
-

pee-300.jpgBlog Guy, you don’t write about signs of the Apocalypse much lately. Is it no longer a threat?

Just the opposite. Signs are coming at us so quickly, it’s hard to keep up.

Yeah baby, Toilet Paper Guy is on a roll!

Photo
-

toilet-face-120.jpgOh cripes, Charlene, it’s him again! We call him Toilet Paper Guy. Don’t let him see us! He comes to this bar every Friday, wearing that outfit made of toilet tissue and paper towels. That’s what I’m looking for, a man that can’t afford fabric!

“His pickup lines are the worst! He calls himself the ‘quicker picker-upper,’ you know, from those ads. Last week he asked if I wanted to squeeze the Charmin. I was like, ‘No way, dork!’

Tell the back row to pass the toilet paper!

Photo
-

Blog Guy, you give great travel advice. I would love to go overseas, but I’ve always been worried about, well, you know…

The bathroom situation? You’re not alone. A new poll shows Americans list their top five foreign travel concerns as:

The most unlucky guy on Earth?

Photo
-

Maybe he’s not quite the unluckiest guy alive, but he’ll do until Mr. Unlucky comes along. A shepherd in Russia is suing his country’s space agency after a 10-foot-long chunk of metal from a rocket fell into his yard, just missing his outdoor toilet.

He wasn’t in it at the time, but it’s still way too close for me. Would you want your obit to say you died when space rubble pulverized your outhouse? “Hold your horses, honey, I’m almost done! Can you toss in another roll of Charmin, so I can…”

Hold it, Joey, we’ll be home in two hours

Photo
-

toilets-ladies-160.jpgQuick quiz: These lavatories, with mannequins in sexy outfits, are…

a) in the Playboy Mansion
b) at the Emperor’s Club escort service
c) in the lobby of the home office
d) at a regular shopping mall in Portugal

The answer is d. I missed it, too. Of course, the real question about these things is, what do you do when your five-year-old child needs to go? “Joey, Daddy doesn’t know why those silly ladies are dressed like that. Listen, can you just hold it in, and we’ll be home in a few hours?”

The word bathroom works like a charm…

Photo
-

submarine-300.jpgBlog Guy, every month my car pool bets on what will be the most popular items in your blog.

Can you please give us the most popular postings for January? I’d like to collect my money in time for the weekend, and I’m positive it must have been “Hey boss, check out the milksop!”

Something’s not Wright about flying in this!

Photo
-

plane-2-160.jpgSometimes we write stories about the “world’s oldest living person.” It’s not a title to covet, since it doesn’t last long for obvious reasons.  

Which brings me to this thing in the photos, which we’re told is the “world’s oldest plane.” Would you want to go up in that? Doesn’t this mean that every single plane made before this one either crashed, fell apart or  disappeared over some ocean? So, you do the math.