Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Earlier this week I did an item about a hot new fashion trend, dresses that leave one you-know-what exposed, so a woman has to cover it with her hand. I pointed out many flaws in this design, like if you’re left-handed it’s hard to take notes in algebra class and stuff like that.
But some readers were like, “Bob, that’s just one dress, it’s not a trend, so shut up.”
Well skeptics, you heard it here first. Behold a similar creation from a fashion show yesterday, in MIAMI! Unless this model is just wearing her dress backwards, the trend has arrived on our shores and we have to accept it.
Women, I guess it’s time to get out ahead of the curve, so to speak, and start practicing. Take one of your old dresses and some scissors, do your own design, and wear it out to a restaurant this weekend. If anybody objects, send them to my blog.
I sent my Oddly Enough Consumer Team out to test this dress, and here are some of their comments:
It’s uncomfortable when you put ice cubes in a drink and then put your hand back
Hailing a taxi is tricky, but usually successful
Tough for left-handed chicks to dial their cellphone
It’s so awkward when Grandpa asks you to help move his sofa
On a date, much confusion over whether a guy made it to first or second base
We have this fashion show photo, which I have tastefully cropped for you, in which nothing covers the model’s breasts except her own two hands. This is called a fashion “creation.”
Ladies, before you rush out to spend your money on something – or nothing – similar, consider just some of the problems I foresee:
It’s time again for the Boobs on Bikes parade down in New Zealand, where porn stars exercise their right to ride topless on motorcycles in public. Last year, 80,000 people showed up to watch. I think that is the entire male population, but don’t hold me to that.
We have a video report on today’s parade, in which a woman watching the event tells us, “People need porn, some people can’t get it at home.”
You take this barmaid in Australia. She was fined hundreds of dollars, just for crushing beer cans, as many of us do to save our dwindling resources.
It’s our job to spot absurd trends, so you don’t have to worry about them. Recently we’ve blogged about a carwash featuring topless women, a butler service that supplies scantily clad hunks to serve at your parties… And now, women to mow your lawn in bikinis.
The bikini lawn-mowers already plan a leaf service for the fall, so where will this trend go next?
Okay, what’s going on down under? Stranger than usual stories are coming out of Australia, and that’s pretty strange. Earlier this week we learned that some Australians are willingly plunking down $41 U.S. for cups of coffee made from beans extracted from the excrement of civet cats, and now we find a raging debate over a topless carwash.
Officials say they are powerless to shut down the Bubbles ‘n’ Babes carwash, where customers pay $45 for a topless carwash and twice as much for a nude carwash with a lap-dance thrown in.
This is a wonderful story showing the forces of nature at work.
Some of you may be familiar with the story of this guy in Germany who spent 10 days in a box atop a 72-foot-tall pole to protest a looming jail term. The guy was mad, he had a lot of eyeballs watching him, and it seemed like nothing could force him from his fortress.
That is, until his 25-year-old wife, a former stripper, sent a photo of herself topless up to him in his lunchbox. It seems that got him down right away.
True or false?
1) It’s fine to stub your cigarette out on a used dinner plate
2) The back of a taxi is a great place for a one-night stand
3) If you want to go topless, just whip off your bikini and set an example
If you answered false to all of these, you may be more refined than you thought. Debrett’s, the bible of blue-blooded behavior in Britain, is now supplying etiquette advice in these areas, with a new book offering guidance on adultery, toplessness, smoking and other stuff that otherwise classy women might be confused about.
Some days, odd stories just seem to cluster together around themes. Today, there is lots of news about people doing things without benefit of clothing, in far-flung places. Consider:
– In Nepal, dozens of women stripped naked and plowed their fields, hoping to appease the gods and get some rain. Our story says there is no clear religious basis for the practice, but some locals believe it might work. Read more: