Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I’m out of here! Just call me Chicken Kiev!

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Hey Blog Guy, I’m takin’ a vacation to Kiev soon, and I need your travel advice. I like to hang out at singles bars. I guess they’re pretty much the same everywhere?

No. In Ukraine, the singles bars are run by women, who make their own rules.

That sounds kind of hot! So what should I expect when I make the bar scene?

Be prepared to reveal as much flesh as possible, and have total strangers judge you like a side of beef. While they’re looking you over they will ask mindless questions, like “What’s your sign?” and “Do you come here often?”

But the chicks will be dressed in sexy outfits too, right?

You still don’t get it. It’s their bar, their rules. They’ll be wearing white lab coats and camouflage trousers.

And stiletto heels?

No, combat boots.

That sounds awful! Why would anybody subject themselves to disgusting treatment like that?

Lookin’ for my Luger, Sugar?

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Blog Guy, recently you blogged about that Oktoberfest thing in Germany – you know, the party with all the beer and the women with those huge, uh, mugs? I saw a travel ad for it that said, “Come to Germany and get frisky!”

I think you misread that. It said, “Come to Germany and get FRISKED.”

Hey Diego! Know where you should avoid?

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I’m very reluctant to call anyone stupid. What? Yes, I HAVE used that word in 423 blog posts, which just goes to show my restraint.

So here is this story about “soccer legend” Diego Maradona. He checked into a weight-loss clinic in Italy, and finance police promptly seized his earrings to help pay off his back taxes.

How I spent my summer vacation

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Welcome back to a feature called What Year is this Again? where we offer items that lack humor, but do make us wonder if we have somehow gone back in time…

Children, welcome to third grade! I’m Miss Johnson. Let’s start with all of you writing a paragraph called “How I Spent My Summer Vacation!”

Are you dummies talkin’ to ME?

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Irving liked exploring on his own, but at times he had the distinct impression strange characters were following and taunting him.

They often took the form of menacing mannequins. A woman wearing only a shawl, buck-naked men making rude faces, even a slender guy who must have been one of those “size zero” models.

Is this the WORST subway ride ever?

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Blog Guy, I have a travel question. I hear about tourists going to faraway places and waking up in a bathtub with a kidney missing. Should I be afraid?

Only if you’re going to Vermont.

What about foreign countries? That’s where it seems to happen most.

Look, that’s pretty much an urban myth.

PRETTY MUCH? What does that mean?

Well, there is the infamous Hefei Subway, in China. Smart tourists know not to get on the Meatville stop heading in the direction of Slaughtertown. By the time it arrives, well…

That’s a lotta terracotta!

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Blog Guy, I’m about to leave on my dream trip to China, to see the famous terracotta warriors. Any advice?

Stop! Don’t go in September, that’s vacation month for all those guys. The statue places will all be closed!

That fake blood looks SO real!

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Okay group, the Rome Tourist Board hired us to crisis manage this horrible PR problem in the middle of tourist season. Their security guards are having a job action at one of the most popular attractions, the Colosseum.

Getting those protesting guards to leave the Colosseum could turn very ugly, but we’ve come up with a plan.

The wurst way to turn your kids into vegans…

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Blog Guy, our family is going to Berlin for a vacation. Are there any museums we don’t want to miss?

For sure! Take your kids to check out the new condom museum, with the singing, dancing penis. It seems that a family planning group has…

Am I my brothel’s keeper?

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Hey Blog Guy, I’m going to London on vacation. Let’s say some evening after a great English meal I want to find a brothel. You know, a bawdy house. A bordello. A den of iniquity. Where do I go?

That’s easy. Just go to any no-sign door and knock.

Um, no-sign door?

Yes. As  you can see here, places that aren’t brothels have signs saying they’re not brothels, so anyplace with no ”not a brothel” sign probably is one.