Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

How I spent my macho vacation…

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I’m a fairly dimwitted guy who never really grew up. Life hasn’t gone my way, and I need an experience to make me feel like I’m somebody.

So you’re looking for something you can brag about on Facebook, no matter how shallow it is, to keep your pathetic imitation of life going for another year?

You bet! All I have left now are shabby, contrived experiences!

This is your lucky day. We’ve just published a list of “extreme holiday adventures.” And by “extreme” I think we just mean very, very sad.

Bring ‘em on!

Okay, how about a “mountain safari,” in a helicopter whizzing right past lofty peaks that other people have actually climbed. Our story says it seats only two guests, and is “a downright romantic trip, allowing you to score major points with your girlfriend while conveniently involving superslick machinery.”

Drive slower, Ma, you can’t see over the mushrooms!

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Blog Guy, I’ve signed up for one of your tours to Krasnoyarsk, that Siberian city you call Wackytown. I’m very excited!

Cool! Which tour will you be joining?

It’s your “Sunny Siberia Beach Holiday,” in December. You’re positive we’ll have lots of warm beach weather in December?

Seeing Libya, from surface to air!

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Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous travel advice. With Libya being in the news lately I’d love to go see it, but I’m concerned about getting around. I’m not even sure how to get there. I’ll be starting my trip in Mexico, so I need to get…

From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli? No problem. Libya is already building up tourism, and offers fast, efficient ways to get from place to place, using the thousands of  unused missiles littering the country.

Stake Night on the Vampire Cruise?

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Blog Guy, I know you’re a travel expert, and I need some advice. I am a vampire. I would like to go someplace where I don’t feel, you know, different.

Maybe I can help. I just saw a story saying hundreds of vampire enthusiasts are planning a vacation cruise on the the Zuiderdam, tailored to their interests. It’s called “Vamps at Sea.” Maybe you should try it.

Repeat after me, “Fill the bag with money!”

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Blog Guy, you know that odd city in Siberia that you call Wackytown? I’d like to visit it on one of your organized tours, but I’m wondering how many people there speak English?

You’re talking about Krasnoyarsk. I do know they do have English Language classes at a high security prison camp.

Are those Tic Tacs, or you got a rattlesnake in your pants?

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Blog Guy, I’m looking for some of your sage career advice. I enjoy travel, working with animals, and maybe a little danger. Any ideas?

Have you considered the glamorous world of snake smuggling?

No, I haven’t. What does that involve?

The usual. Ladies’ hosiery, probably some duct tape, and, you know, snakes.

So that’s basic cable, huh?

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Lamar, we are very eager to see the new cable car system you’ve designed for our highest mountain, nearly 10,000 feet. May we take off the blindfolds now?

Absolutely. If you look through your binoculars toward Zugspitze, you’ll see the sleek, shiny cable cars of…

Look, Honey, a free vacation cruise!

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We may have hit the acme of absurdity. We should plant our flag and turn back.

Let me explain. I work at home, and I am interrupted daily by automated calls trying  to fool me in some way. I don’t believe it should be legal to intrude on privacy like this, but I don’t make the laws.

Last week, I answered a robotic call and heard, “Congratulations! This household has been selected to receive an absolutely free vacation cruise! Press one for more information, or two to be taken off the list.”

Honey, I’m on my way!

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Blog Guy, you know that place in Siberia you say is the goofiest place on earth? I think you call it Wackytown, and you organize tours there.

Sure. Krasnoyarsk. There’s no other place like it. You should come with us. What are you looking for?

Jump now, avoid the crowds!

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Blog Guy, I keep reading in your blog about that place in Siberia that you call Wackytown, and I really want to visit there.

You mean Krasnoyarsk. Go there! You probably won’t be sorry. In fact, that’s their exact tourism slogan.