Oddly Enough Blog

You’ve got till tomorrow to pay up, pal…

Blog Guy, I know you’re following the New Hampshire primary closely for your readers. All state primaries follow pretty much the same format, right?

Not at all. The New Hampshire race mainly involves a series of physical challenges between hopefuls and local voters. The one who wins the most fights wins the primary.

Wait just a minute, Blog Guy. Is that really true?

Sure. Here you can see former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney arm-wrestling a barber in Manchester. Romney beat the guy.

And here on the right is a photo of almost-candidate Donald Trump, picking a fight with a New Hampshire resident a few months ago. It’s a very brutal system.

Folks, we may be in for a Trumpy landing

Blog Guy, we know you were pretty upset about Donald Trump not running for president, clearly a huge loss of humor potential for your blog. Are you getting over it?

I don’t have to. My staff researcher found a loophole on page 466 of the book “The Bloggers’ Code.”

Wait a minute. There’s a  “Bloggers’ Code” and it’s a BOOK?  Shouldn’t it be online?

No. there’s just the coffee table book. Pretty ironic, huh?

Anyway, it turns out if a person continues to fly around in an airplane with his name in huge gold letters on the side, even if the FOR PRESIDENT part is crossed out, then I can keep making fun of his campaign.

I’m sorry. You’ve lost me. What campaign?

Real nice tats, you betcha!

Hey Blog Guy, I know you’re really into presidential politics. So, is Sarah Palin going to run, or not?

It’s hard to say for sure, but all the telltale signs are there.

Like what?

Well, she was here in DC on Sunday, and she did the traditional Admiring of the Tattoos, as every prospective candidate does.

I’m not familiar with that tradition.

It started with Thomas Jefferson, admiring the tattoos on American Revolution veterans, and has continued on for two centuries.

Wow. Um, any other important signs?

I’ve decided not to be President Trump…

Blog Guy, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve been sobbing.

Yeah, I have. I’m pretty broken up about Donald Trump not running for president.

But you weren’t going to vote for him, anyway.

Yes, but I figured my blog was practically written in advance through 2012. It would have been so easy. I’ll never find anybody like that again.

Jeez Blog Guy, way to make it all about YOU!

I mean, testing the political waters by implying the current President of the United States wasn’t really born here? Who does that?

My name is Trump, put up yer dukes!

Blog Guy, you’ve written about this Donald Trump guy who may be running for president. He’s never been a candidate, so I don’t have a feel for his personal campaign style.

Trump is very confrontational. He’ll go to a place and pick a fight with some guy just to draw a crowd, as you can see in this photo.

Wow! That’s harsh! Tell me more.

He also goes around in his limo and brags about being a “TV star” as he passes out campaign literature.

I suppose that’s sort of true, right, with that “Apprentice” show?

Yes, but he tells them he’s Charlie Sheen.

Sorry Mr. Trump, I thought you were someone else

Blog Guy, you look very upset. What’s wrong?

I’ve just seen the clearest sign yet of that onrushing Apocalypse I keep writing about.

That’s just a photo of possible candidate Donald Trump. We’ve already established that you wouldn’t vote for him. So what’s the new sign?

Look what he’s doing. According to the caption, he’s signing an autograph. The fact that somebody might want Trump’s autograph is…it’s just not natural.

Couldn’t there be some other explanation?

Well, that’s what I’m hoping for. I’m thinking maybe the guy asked for it as sarcasm, and Trump fell for it.

It’s not tricky, tiki isn’t tacky…

Blog Guy, now that Donald Trump may run for president, what are you going to do? Will you be caught up short at the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, what with the scarcity of funny photos of Trump?

Are you kidding me? Our only problem will be whether to build a new wing or just a huge annex to display our Trump collection.

Ah, so it sounds like you’re prepared.

The only way we could be more prepared is if Homer Simpson becomes president.

What do you think of Trump?

I’d say he showed his class again recently when he compared  himself to former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney: “Well, I’m a much bigger businessman,” Trump said on CNN. “And I have a much, much bigger net worth…”

A chance to Trump myself…

Blog Guy, say you could do anything you wanted to Donald Trump. What would it be? Go wild.

What a fun game! Um, I’m seeing him driven around for days in a Mini Cooper, all covered with itchy poison ivy and listening to the “Complete Works of Salmon Rushdie” via Books on Tape.

Frankly Blog Guy, I expected something more creative  from you.

Gosh. I’m sorry. Okay, I’ve  got it. All he gets to eat, for a solid month…..

Let me stop you, Blog Guy. It can’t involve brussels sprouts because you’ve already used them recently for a cheap laugh.

Please give me one more chance. Okay, Trump is out in the middle of nowhere, with bagpipers playing, and he can’t get away from them. All he has is a golf club, and when he can’t take it anymore he has to use the club to knock himself out. You like that one?