Quick quiz: This traditional folk festival in Colombia….

• Commemorates the native people’s struggle for freedom
• Is nearly 300 years old
• Features colorful horseback choreography
• Is a majestic tribute to Marge Simpson

Wait a minute, Blog Guy! If it’s 300 years old, how could it have anything to do with a 20th century cartoon character? Do you get my point?

I do indeed. Thanks for setting me straight, stranger.

And readers, please come back tomorrow for photos from the 200th anniversary of Seattle’s Betty and Veronica Festival…

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Performers dressed as natives take part in a traditional folk festival in San Martin in the province of Meta November 15, 2009. The annual festival, which has at least 270 years of history, commemorates the native people’s struggle for freedom against Spanish colonization. REUTERS/John Vizcaino

Marge Simpson on Playboy cover…

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Blog Guy, I know you’re always making fun of bizarre fashion show outfits, but they can’t ALL be that bad. Is it fair for you to only show a designer’s strangest creations?

I guess you’re right. A few days ago I got a lot of traffic, and comments, on a post showing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal, which featured a model wearing only shoes and trousers.

I heard from the designer himself, who thanked me for showing his design and shared some of his other stuff with me.

As you can see in this combo shot above, Tayyab doesn’t ONLY create men’s clothes for The Shirtless Look.

For instance, there’s also the Red Vest and No Shirt Look. Close your eyes and picture Art Carney on “The Honeymooners.” “Hey there, Ralphie boy!”

Then there is this OTHER thing, sort of a half-shirt with straps. Tayyab tells me it’s supposed to represent the hardships of the Pakistani Army in war zones.

Now, that makes perfect sense to me. If I wore that thing in a war zone - or  heck, even to buy a Big Gulp down at my neighborhood 7-Eleven - I guess I’d expect hardships as well.

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Bottom: A model takes to the catwalk wearing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal during Fashion Pakistan Week in Karachi on November 7, 2009. REUTERS/Adrees Latif

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Blog Guy, prepare for your ultimate throw-down! You’re good at coming up with fantasy photos for your readers. Do you think there’s any limit to your archive?

None whatsoever.

Okay, I’m drawing random names from two different drums. One contains the stars of the old sitcom “Seinfeld,” and the other contains everybody else who ever lived. First, I’d like to see, uh, Jason Alexander, with, let’s see, U.S. Senator Richard Lugar.

Here you go. This one is from last Friday, unless you prefer one of their earlier pairings.

That’s stunning! Okay, now I want Jerry Seinfeld with - aha! - Shimon Peres, the President of Israel!

Okay, check this out.

My God! You’re diabolical! Next I want Julia Louis-Dreyfus, with former first lady Mamie Eisenhower.

Oh, sorry, only two requests per reader. I can’t make exceptions. It’s a shame, too, because that one is a real doozy…

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Above: Actor Jason Alexander (R) is greeted by Senator Richard Lugar (R-IN), ranking Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, to discuss Israel and the Palestinian Territories on behalf of the ONEVOICE Peaceworks Foundation on Capitol Hill in Washington, November 13, 2009.  REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Below: Israel’s President Shimon Peres (R) meets comedian Jerry Seinfeld in Jerusalem, November 23, 2007, in this handout photo by the Israeli Government Press Office (GPO). REUTERS/Moshe Milner/GPO/Handout

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When people have to be told not to do something that is obviously extremely stupid - like texting while driving, for instance - it’s a definite sign of the approaching Apocalypse.

And when you even have to make LAWS against the really stupid stuff, like banning folks from watching TV while they drive, that’s an even more threatening sign.

But when a court overturns one of those laws, and says the thing is actually legal no matter HOW stupid it is, well, bring in the patio furniture, Betsy, the Apocalypse is here!

That’s what happened in South Korea, where a court has ruled that watching TV while you’re driving IS legal.

This would be insane anywhere, but South Korea?

All you have to do is be watching an “I Love Lucy” rerun on your dashboard TV, and miss that big sign that says, “Last exit before North Korea,” and before you know it, you’re out of gas in the Axis of Evil.

And then you’ve REALLY got some ’splainin’ to do!

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Top: Reuters video screen grab

Bottom: “I Love Lucy” screen grab

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Blog Guy, you’re an expert on police operations around the world, right?

Okay.

So I was wondering, what are the very best and very worst police departments? I’m counting on you.

The worst may be these police in Mumbai.

Check out this photo. Looks like all of them are groping for bullets while balancing their rifles between their knees, with the barrels pointed up towards their faces.

It seems like a Deputy Barney Fife moment if ever there was one. I have another photo taken 20 seconds later, but it’s a bit grisly to use here.

And the very best unit?

I’d have to say the Dominican Republic Police Department, which appears to be made up entirely of models in skimpy bikinis. I believe the officer saluting here is a captain.

She’s a COP?  Man, I’d like to cop…

Stop right there! This is a sophisticated blog, Buster, so just keep those cheap pool hall lines to yourself!

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Above: Policemen prepare to fire their weapons to pay homage to their fallen colleagues on Police Commemoration Day in Mumbai October 21, 2009. REUTERS/Arko Datta

Below: A model displays a creation by Puerto Rico designer Ecliptica at a fashion show during the Dominicana fashion week in Santo Domingo, October 20, 2009. REUTERS/Eduardo Munoz

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In American pop culture, If you want to point out that we’re not in Kansas anymore and that things are happening way beyond your understanding, you only need to repeat a tiny snippet of sound, and people still get it.

It was exactly 50 years ago tonight that Americans tuned in to get a first glimpse at a TV show called “The Twilight Zone.”

Rod Serling, the genius behind the series, paved the way for amateurs like me, letting us cheapen his concept but still make the point that some pretty weird doo-doo doo-doo is still going down.

Here is where I’d like to insert my own recollection of that distant October evening, as a small boy gratefully learning I wasn’t alone in seeing a strange world around me.

What a cosmic eye-opener. To paraphrase Serling, “You’re traveling through another dimension - a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s a signpost up ahead: your next stop: Northside Indianapolis!”

Yes, I’d like to share that memory, but I can’t. I wasn’t watching the show.

Instead, like most Americans I was glued to an average private eye series called ”77 Sunset Strip.”

It would be years before I appreciated what I had missed. And “The Twilight Zone,” so much a part of our culture today, was a ratings disaster back then.

It defies comprehension, huh? “Doo-doo doo-doo, Doo-doo doo-doo…”

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Above: A televised Rod Serling is projected on an illuminated ball in the air at the unveiling of a new attraction, “The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror,” at a Disney theme park in 2004. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Below: “Twilight Zone” DVD cover

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As an amateur anthropologist, I’ve spent years studying leisure activities in unfortunate parts of the world where - okay let’s be blunt - they don’t get American cable television.

I’ve found that this lack leads local cultures to settle for pitiful pastimes, like singing dingos and sofa races.  But nowhere are the ravages of TV deprivation as pathetic as they are in a place I like to call Spain.

Look at these genuine photos from this week. Competitors attempt to tear the head off of a killed goose. The winner gets the goose.

I swear, I am not making up this goose thing.

“Lonnie! Leggo of that goose head! Our New York cousin sent us some tapes!

Look! Here’s Dog the Bounty Hunter, Pimp my Ride, Ice Road Truckers,“  “Californication.” All kinds of quality stuff! Come on, Lonnie!”

“That’s okay, Ma! You watch it! I’ve just about got this goose head off, and then I’m heading for the bullfights!”

“Oh my poor Lonnie, I worry so about you. You’ll ALWAYS be a Spaniard!”

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A competitor attempts to tear off the head of a killed goose attached to a rope, which is repeatedly raised and lowered into the harbor, during fiestas in the Basque fishing town of Lekeitio September 6, 2009. REUTERS/Vincent West

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Blog Guy, you know where you can find really loose chicks?

Uh, no.

New York City. Yeah, it surprised me, too, but lots of those women in stiletto heels smoking outside office buildings aren’t as prim and proper as you might suspect.

That sure surprises me, but why are you bringing this up?

Because amid this wanton cesspool of harlots and floozies and doxies, I met two angels yesterday.

As I understand it, they were actresses working on a show about religious groups trying to lure bad men and convert them, called “Sects and the City.”

Here, I’m sending you some photos I took with my phone.

That’s real interesting, hayseed. Now don’t bother me again until you have Kim Cattrall saving somebody’s soul.

Sex and the City Slideshow

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Actresses Sarah Jessica Parker (L) and Cynthia Nixon filming the upcoming movie “Sex and the City 2″ in New York, September 4, 2009. REUTERS photos by Lucas Jackson

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If you’re like me - and I’m sorry if that’s the case - then you get frequent queries like this one via Facebook. It seems that Debbie Somebody wants to put my birthday on her calendar. Is that okay with me, it asks?

Sure, I guess so. I mean, Debbie probably wants to remember to get me something nice, maybe even have a surprise party for me.

But then I get this next message, which says that in order order to do this, Debbie’s calendar application needs to pull my profile info, my photos, my friends’ info and “other content.”

I have to presume “other content” means my sex change medical records, my birth certificate from Kenya and that 1970 photo of me in a Nehru jacket.

Jeez Debbie, WTF?  Isn’t it possible for you to just grab a pencil and write, “Bob’s birthday, August 5,” on your wall?

I mean, if you watch TV, you remember that Tony Soprano whacked Big Pussy Bonpensiero for giving up a LOT less information than your application wants from me. Watch your back, Deb.

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Left: “Sopranos” actors Vincent Pastore (Big Pussy Bonpensiero) (L) and Frank Vincent in 2004 file photo. REUTERS

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Hey Blog Guy, whatever happened to the Three Stooges? Are they retired?

Not many people know this, but they moved to South Korea and ran for office, because we hadn’t yet started electing comedians to Congress here.

They’re in the Korean National Assembly now, wreaking typical havoc, as you can see in this studio publicity shot from “The Three Stooges, Seoul’d Out!”

Awesome! So what’s going on here?

I believe Moe just grabbed the microphone and shouted, “Mr. Kim has won the lottery! Is there a Mr. Kim here?”

Of course, hilarity ensues.

Wait just a minute! I thought it was the Marx Brothers who entered Korean politics!

Nope, they’re down in Honduras. Try to keep up.

Lawmakers beat the snot out of each other

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A lawmaker of the main opposition Democratic Party tries to block a vice speaker of the National Assembly from passing controversial bills as security guards and the ruling Grand National Party’s lawmakers block him at the National Assembly in Seoul, July 22, 2009. REUTERS/Choi Bu-Seok

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