Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The VERY WORST new retail trend?

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There is a retail trend that seems to be spreading and we need to stamp it out now, before it gets out of control. I’m talking about a store that offers free stuff to people who show up to shop in their underwear. Here are several examples, including one from just last week.

So far, this strategy has been confined to just a few clothing stores, but that doesn’t mean it won’t catch on, and soon we’ll all be wearing nothing but underwear when we go shopping for anything. Who needs that?

“Earl, here’s the grocery list. Hey, hotshot, aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Oh crap, I’m wearing a shirt and trousers! What was I thinking? Here we go, I’m down to only my briefs now, sweetie. Thanks for spotting that.”

You lookin’ at me?

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fashion skull combo 490

Hey Clancy, thanks for gettin’ us into that party, but I must say it creeped me out a little.

FRANCE-FASHION/Really, Lamar? What was wrong?

Are you kidding me, Clancy? That one chick had her eye on me all evening.

I guess I didn’t notice her. Was it the brunette in the skullcap?

Nope, it was another one. She had me in her mind’s eye, for sure.

And another creepy thing was that strange chick who paid that short guy with the elbow-length rubber gloves to walk behind her as part of her outfit.

Welcome to Brassieres 101, ladies…

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Okay ladies, thank you for coming to the Victoria’s Secret “bra launch” today. We’re sure you will enjoy your new purchases.

bra launch crop 260You were wise to sign up for this class on how to wear a brassiere, a must for any young woman going out into the world.

Go ahead, I’ve seen worse… Well, maybe not…

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extremists belgium 490

Blog Guy, what is your policy on negotiating with extremists?

My what?

BELGIUM/Your policy. Now that you qualify as a Senior Blogger, you have to take some shifts directing counter-terrorism tactical units. You didn’t see that in the Facebook Network rules?

No, I guess I just clicked on AGREE, like everybody else. But I’ll tell you this, I will never negotiate with extremists. We will not compromise.

Ma, do you do my shorts on hot, or warm?

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washing machine 490

Hey Ma, my clothes seem different somehow. Are you using a new laundry detergent?

RUSSIA/No. Same detergent.

Hmmmm. New fabric softener?

No. Same fabric softener.

I just can’t figure it out. Seems like when you do the laundry in the summer, it comes out a little better. Oh well, can I make a small suggestion?

Weekend at Bernie’s?

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Two days ago I wrote about an auction where the government was going to sell a bunch of stuff belonging to big-time swindler Bernie Madoff, including some of his underwear and a pair of monogrammed slippers…

MADOFF/So just to update you, the auction was yesterday and it raked in more than $2 million. A 10-carat diamond ring alone fetched $550,000.

The Used Underwear of the Apocalypse?

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madoff auction 490

Blog Guy, thank you so much for keeping us alert on signs of that Apocalypse which seems to be hurtling toward us. Last week you warned us about the proliferation of craters and sinkholes. Are there any new signs?

MADOFF/You bet. Tomorrow, keep your eyes on an auction of stuff that once belonged to Bernie Madoff, the mega-swindler who is serving 150 years in prison.

All you nutjobs, come up onstage now!

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USA/

Blog Guy, if I’m not mistaken, the big annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was held last night. I come to your blog for all my shameless retail lingerie news, so what can you tell us about it?

secret fashion combo 280You know, I got kind of bored with this one, but I can give you a few details.

I gather from seeing our photos that this year’s theme was “Great Acid Trips of the 1960s.”

Keeping tabs on the abs, Babs…

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SOUTHAFRICA/

Boss, We got trouble. BIG trouble!

What is it THIS time, Lamar?

SOUTHAFRICAOne of the male models got confused and wandered out on the runway almost naked. I think the women in the audience are gonna be pretty offended.

That’s awful, Lamar! They may get the vapors and faint. Is he wearing ANYTHING?

Brief query: what’s in a boxer’s drawers?

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BOXING/

Blog Guy, help settle a bet with my boyfriend, please.

Here we go again with the settling of stuff. That’s all I do anymore. I should be a contender for that Supreme Court vacancy.

boxer briefs 240Enough about you, Blog Guy. This is a sports question about fighters and undershorts. Do professional boxers really WEAR boxers?