Wouldn’t you love to see underwear from the very most famous person in Belgium?

Well no, I don’t actually know who that is. I was hoping you would.

Anyway, an artist in Brussels has just opened the Musee du Slip, featuring framed underwear donated by mostly Belgian artists, singers and politicians.

Each pair must have been worn at least once by the donor.  I’m hoping it’s been washed, too.

Not just content to display the underpants of famous Belgians, the artist hopes to get underwear from France’s first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Cripes, I have restraining orders to show that isn’t as easy as it sounds.

The artist says he would also like some undies from the pope, “Or the Iranian president. People would queue to see that.”

Maybe they would, but only in Belgium.

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File photo of top model Carla Bruni presenting this long fake fur coat worn with matching underpants in a 1994 file photo. REUTERS/ Christine Grunnet

Belgian Jan Bucquoy displays a photo of French President Nicolas Sarkozy wearing a pair of striped underpants on his head at the Underpants Museum in Brussels, July 17, 2009. REUTERS/Thierry Roge

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Come in and have a seat, Mr. Johnson, and thanks for your application to join our little company.

Let’s see, it says here your last position was in Somalia! Well, that’s quite a long ways away, I guess. Iowa, or someplace?

And what line of work were you in over there? Ah, shipping-related? Interesting.

Your application says you were a freebooter, marauder, plunderer, corsair, brigand, picaroon… Those are all shipping terms, huh? Guess I’ll have to look some of ‘em up.

Says here you’re familiar with a Cutlass. Great! I’m an Oldsmobile man, too.

Now, I should warn you Mr. Johnson, we require our salesmen to actually wear pants on the job, so, you know, don’t be showing up here in your underwear like that.

I think that’ll do it for now, but I’ll need some references at your previous employer. Uh-huh? Dead? ALL of ‘em? Well, I guess we’ll just have to trust you then…

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Model presents creation as part of the Vivienne Westwood Spring/Summer 2010 men’s collection during Milan Fashion Week June 21, 2009. REUTERS/Stefano Rellandini

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Blog Guy, I could use some travel advice. I’m going to Israel tomorrow, and I need to know what clothes to pack. I want to blend in, and not take a lot of stuff I won’t wear.

Four words for you. Fruit of the Loom.

Huh?

I checked the last few photos we have showing people in Israel, and it seems all they wear this time of year is underwear.

Gosh, I had the impression they were a little more modest than that.

You’d be pretty embarrassed, showing up with all kinds of shirts and pants, only to find everybody else nearly naked.

I can’t thank you enough! I’m done packing, and I’ve got nothing but a carry-on with all my undies. I’m ready for the Holy Land! Oops, I almost forgot! I should keep out one pair of briefs for the flight over, huh? Boy, Israeli customs must be a breeze!

Yeah, that’s what people say. Send me a postcard.

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Israelis wearing underwear wait for a photo shoot organized by the underwear maker Sloggi in Tel Aviv’s Dizengoff Square, May 27, 2009. REUTERS/ Baz Ratner

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Okay design gang, as you know, when the fashion industry is out of fresh ideas we recycle old ones. Like when we claimed we invented sandals, for instance.

So I asked you all for something we could reinvent and sell. The concept should be at least 2,000 years old, so nobody still has them hanging in their closet from the last time they were in style.

Herb, your idea of a fig leaf was unrealistic. Where the hell are we going to get fig leaves today?

Kelli, I personally liked your suggestion of fresh-killed animal skins, but we’d have those PETA animal rights people breathing down our back.

That’s why I’m for going with Melanie’s idea of loincloths.

We’ll spin a bunch of advertising crapola about “liberation” and “freedom,” and it will be the hottest thing going!

How does this sound? Let’s say we want women to have “emancipation” from the tightness of conventional underwear!

Sure, I know you can also be emancipated from tight underwear by losing weight or buying bigger sizes, but where’s the money in that?

Roll the video of the new loincloth line!

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Good news, International Space Station residents!

Your fellow astronaut, Koichi Wakata, will be doing an interesting new scientific test aboard the station: “Odor-Free Underwear!”

Excuse us, Houston, but how will he do that?

Good question, ISP. Koichi will go without changing his underpants for more than a week, and we’ll see if you end up pushing him through the main hatch and locking it.

Houston, is this a fricking joke?

That’s a negative, ISP. We are big-stink serious.

Copy that, Houston, you DO realize that we’re the same dudes ALREADY testing a urine recycler? This place is gonna reek like an Infield latrine at the Indy 500!

Sorry, ISP, but do you know what your laundry bills are running? We just can’t afford it anymore. We’ll send up some Tang-scented room spray in the next shuttle. Let’s move on. Open your instructions for “The Navy Bean and Garlic Space Diet…”

Can you repeat that, Houston? We were just giving Koichi an atomic space wedgie!”

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Above: Man parades at an underwear fashion show during the 6th Annual National Underwear Day in New York, August 5, 2008. REUTERS/Ray Stubblebine/Hasbro

Below: Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata eats an apple aboard the International Space Station in image from NASA TV March 20, 2009. REUTERS/NASA

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Blog Guy, can you explain why Joe the Plumber is messing with an unconscious woman in these photos?

That’s not Joe the Plumber.

Oh. Is it that guy on The Shield?

No. It’s some parapsychologist who communicates with spirits.

How does he know she has spirits?

If you look carefully, you’ll see she’s wearing black underpants. That’s a sure sign of evil spirits.

What does parapsychologist mean?

Apparently it means someone with hideous taste in rugs.

Yeah, if I had to choose between evil spirits and a red shag carpet, I”d just learn to live with evil.

We all would. You’d better check your underpants right away.

Parapsychologist slideshow

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Above: “Joe the Plumber” REUTERS /Brian Snyder; Parapsychologist Fernando Nogueira REUTERS/Jose Manuel Ribeiro

Below: Nogueira communicates with spirits with a patient in Fafe, Portugal, December 6, 2008. REUTERS/Jose Manuel Ribeiro

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Memo to fashion show staff: Well, clearly I was wrong. I admit it was my bright idea to fire the backstage dressers and just have the models dress themselves for our show.

What a disaster that was! Herb forgot to wear trousers, he didn’t button his shirt, and his tie looked like the work of a serial strangler.

As for Mona,  well… Let’s just say she wore THREE pairs of underpants, and her bikini top looked great except she put it on over a t-shirt!

And while we’re on the subject of Mona, doesn’t she know she’s NOT supposed to purge her lunch out on the runway? We lost the entire front row of fashion editors! I’ll tell you, they won’t be back.

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Model display a creation at the GUT’S DYNAMITE CABARETS 2009 Spring/Summer collection fashion show during Japan Fashion Week in Tokyo, September 4, 2008. REUTERS/Michael Caronna

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Hey Blog Guy, your post on news photography was very useful. On the topic of news, could you explain how we can find reporters we should really trust? You know, how do we know a true professional?

It’s pretty easy. Check their underpants.

Um, underpants?

Sure. The real pros will have underwear covered with signatures of people they’ve interviewed. The first hardball question we reporters ask is, “Will you sign my underpants?”

I had no idea! How about your own underwear?

The ones I’m wearing right now were autographed by Mother Teresa , Neil Armstrong and author Graham Greene. So yeah, this is a truly professional pair of undershorts. If you want to be a journalist, get yourself some fairly clean underwear and a marking pen, and get started!

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Actress Pamela Anderson signs the underpants of reporter Logan Courtman at her Sydney news conference August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Will Burgess

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Blog Guy, your blogs about the lesser-known Olympics events have been eye-opening. Thanks for being the only one to write about Bare-Knuckle Self-Fighting, while the Mainstream Media just crams swimming down our throats. What else aren’t we seeing?

Well, I’m a huge fan of the Equestrian Jump-Over-it-Yourself event. This is where a horse gallops up to the fence, stops suddenly, and throws its rider over. It’s a very complex maneuver, and to get the most points, the riders have to look like they’re not expecting it.

Sheesh! I’m e-mailing NBC to demand coverage! Is there more stuff they’re hiding?

Absolutely. For instance, the so-called television coverage ignores my very favorite event, Women’s Stiletto-Heel Lingerie Slap-Boxing. You be sure to mention that in your e-mail to the network, and tell ‘em you saw it here.

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New Zealand’s Katie McVean falls off Forest after he refused to jump a fence during the equestrian jumping individual first qualifier at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games in Hong Kong August 15, 2008. REUTERS/ Caren Firouz

Models play a game on the catwalk during “Hot in The City” lingerie collection in Sydney, August 15, 2008. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

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Quick quiz: You find graphic evidence that your husband has been unfaithful. You…

a) toss his cheating butt out on the street with the evidence close behind

b) hand the evidence over to your lawyer and take hubby to the cleaners

c) put the evidence up for sale on eBay

Pay attention, folks! If it’s humiliating, tawdry or tacky, you can make money out of it, which is what a wife is doing with the lacy black panties and condom wrapper she found in her bed.

Adding insult to injury, her ad stresses the condom is small, and the panties are very large.

But here’s the really scary thing. She’s only selling a PHOTO of the panties, because it turns out eBay prohibits selling used underwear . Now, this is news! If it’s necessary for them to make a rule like that, then this counts as another genuine sign of the upcoming Apocalypse!

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Screenshot of eBay listing taken on August 13, 2008.

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