Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Oy Vaycation!

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Blog Guy, I could use some travel advice. I’m going to Israel tomorrow, and I need to know what clothes to pack. I want to blend in, and not take a lot of stuff I won’t wear.

Four words for you. Fruit of the Loom.

Huh?

I checked the last few photos we have showing people in Israel, and it seems all they wear this time of year is underwear.

Gosh, I had the impression they were a little more modest than that.

You’d be pretty embarrassed, showing up with all kinds of shirts and pants, only to find everybody else nearly naked.

I can’t thank you enough! I’m done packing, and I’ve got nothing but a carry-on with all my undies. I’m ready for the Holy Land! Oops, I almost forgot! I should keep out one pair of briefs for the flight over, huh? Boy, Israeli customs must be a breeze!

Get a loin for your groin!

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Okay design gang, as you know, when the fashion industry is out of fresh ideas we recycle old ones. Like when we claimed we invented sandals, for instance.

So I asked you all for something we could reinvent and sell. The concept should be at least 2,000 years old, so nobody still has them hanging in their closet from the last time they were in style.

Leave that damned hatch open!

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Good news, International Space Station residents!

Your fellow astronaut, Koichi Wakata, will be doing an interesting new scientific test aboard the station: “Odor-Free Underwear!”

Excuse us, Houston, but how will he do that?

Good question, ISP. Koichi will go without changing his underpants for more than a week, and we’ll see if you end up pushing him through the main hatch and locking it.

Eat right, and exorcize daily!

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Blog Guy, can you explain why Joe the Plumber is messing with an unconscious woman in these photos?

That’s not Joe the Plumber.

Oh. Is it that guy on The Shield?

No. It’s some parapsychologist who communicates with spirits.

How does he know she has spirits?

If you look carefully, you’ll see she’s wearing black underpants. That’s a sure sign of evil spirits.

When models dress themselves

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fashion-dynamite-face-140.jpgMemo to fashion show staff: Well, clearly I was wrong. I admit it was my bright idea to fire the backstage dressers and just have the models dress themselves for our show.

What a disaster that was! Herb forgot to wear trousers, he didn’t button his shirt, and his tie looked like the work of a serial strangler.

I’m dropping my pants, and I have a follow-up!

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anderson-2-160-0826.jpg Hey Blog Guy, your post on news photography was very useful. On the topic of news, could you explain how we can find reporters we should really trust? You know, how do we know a true professional?

It’s pretty easy. Check their underpants.

Um, underpants?

Sure. The real pros will have underwear covered with signatures of people they’ve interviewed. The first hardball question we reporters ask is, “Will you sign my underpants?”

Jump over that thing your OWN self!

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Blog Guy, your blogs about the lesser-known Olympics events have been eye-opening. Thanks for being the only one to write about Bare-Knuckle Self-Fighting, while the Mainstream Media just crams swimming down our throats. What else aren’t we seeing?

Well, I’m a huge fan of the Equestrian Jump-Over-it-Yourself event. This is where a horse gallops up to the fence, stops suddenly, and throws its rider over. It’s a very complex maneuver, and to get the most points, the riders have to look like they’re not expecting it.

Make way for the cheater, eBay for the cheater!

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Quick quiz: You find graphic evidence that your husband has been unfaithful. You…

a) toss his cheating butt out on the street with the evidence close behind

b) hand the evidence over to your lawyer and take hubby to the cleaners

c) put the evidence up for sale on eBay

ebay-page-300.jpgPay attention, folks! If it’s humiliating, tawdry or tacky, you can make money out of it, which is what a wife is doing with the lacy black panties and condom wrapper she found in her bed.

I see England, I see France…

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underwear-brazil-200.jpgThis is National Underwear Day. I know what you’re saying, “But Bob, I thought that was back in February!”

No, that event, which we covered, was Brazilian National Underwear Day, which is on a different day because they’re in the Southern Hemisphere or something, and also because they have a different word for underwear.

Yumpin’ Yemeni, his pants are off!

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trousers-2-160.jpgIt’s time again for Things Maybe We Should Have Explained in a Caption, but Didn’t. Today, we see a photo of a lawyer holding a news conference in Yemen, except wait! He’s taking off his clothes!

Our caption does recognize that he is removing his trousers. It says he is explaining  inmate mistreatment, but it doesn’t say if these two facts are connected. For all I know, “news conference” is just a euphemism for stripping in Yemen.