Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Thongs for throngs are flinging prongs?

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As you may have read, a woman is suing Victoria’s Secret because she says she was hurt by her thong panties when a metal clip holding a rhinestone flew off and hit her in the eye.

victoria-2-180.jpgPersonal injury is a very serious thing. Still, if this comes to trial she’s probably going to have to show how it happened in court. I can see lawyers, jurors and the judge all wearing industrial goggles to protect their eyes while the woman pulls on thongs every which way, trying to duplicate the sharp zing of flying rhinestones.

As a dedicated consumer advocate, I’ve tested odd claims before. You may recall Help me, I’m in a grape jam! If something bad happens, please explain to my family why I was found in a room full of extra large thongs, the walls pock-marked with staples and shards of imitation gems. They’ll want to know what happened.

More news about

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Model presents winged angel lingerie by Victoria’s Secret in 2000 file photo. REUTER/Fred Prouser

Her cups runneth over?

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Quick quiz: you can tell if a woman has class if you offer to buy her a glass of wine and she says…

wine-3-180.jpga) Thank you, I’ll have a supple Margaux
b) Thank you, I’ll have an earthy Syrah
c) Thank you, I’ll have an overpriced Pinot Grigio
d) No thanks, hot-shot, I got me a brassiere full of cheap sweet red, right here!

Bra flag: from C to shining C…

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bras-2-140.jpgBlog Guy, recently I was in Montreal, Canada, and I saw women’s brassieres hanging all over the place. You’re a sophisticated guy, so what’s up with that?

I think that must be the new Montreal flag. They didn’t want to use some variation of the maple leaf, because that’s already been done, and they liked the shape and variety of bras that are available. Also, I’m pretty sure the local hockey team is the Montreal Maidenforms.

How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm? Like this!

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calendar-2-160.jpgBlog Guy, with food prices soaring all over the world, I’m curious about whether any country has been able to keep farming costs under control?

Yes, Switzerland has succeeded in keeping its young men and women very interested in staying on the farm, working long hours for low wages.

Take off your blouse, babe, I need to charge my laptop!

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bra-crop-120.jpgThis company keeps trying to design bras that do something extra. You may remember their chopstick bra or their shopping bag bra or their get-out-the-vote bra. The new designs never generate anything other than free publicity, which duh, I guess is the point.

So this time it’s a solar panel bra which can recharge your cell phone or iPod. Of course, the bra needs to be exposed to light in order to work, and a chick walking around outdoors in an exposed brassière may have more serious problems than a dead phone battery.

Hey! Are you wearing Lollipop’s underpants?

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Blog Guy, Where can I buy used underpants belonging to a major drug trafficker?

drug-lord-160.jpgBoy, I wish you had asked me that yesterday! Down in Brazil they had a huge sale of stuff confiscated from the mansions of a Colombian guy named Juan Carlos Ramirez Abadia.

You mean Lollipop?

Yes. I can see you really know your drug traffickers. Anyway, thousands of people clamored to buy his stuff. I’m not sure how smart that was, though. Sure, Lollipop is spending 30 years in prison, but what do you think he’ll do if he breaks out, which can happen in Brazil?

Wanna hold my pet rat, honey?

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snake-2-180.jpgLadies, you’ve all been there. An evening out, and you want something to defend yourself, but tasers and mace just don’t seem, you know, festive enough.

So, for times when you need to combine protection and fashion, what’s better than a six-foot snake? Nothing says, “Get lost!” like a big set of fangs dangling over your hand.

News is skimpy on the bikini beat

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victoria-2-160.jpgBlog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

Time to change underwear AGAIN?

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underwear-2-160.jpgI know it seems like we just put away our decorations, but down in Brazil it’s National Underwear Day again. I know, it really came around fast this year!

And where do you go to find folks wearing almost nothing when it’s not carnival time? It’s just a wild guess, but I’d try the downtown bus station. Some things are the same everyplace you go.

Grab your undies, Little Joe! They got Pa!

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Okay fashion staff, we have a disaster! Some of our models took a shortcut to the dressing room across the runway, after the show began! There are shots of them striding abreast like the Cartwright boys in Bonanza, wearing just their underpants. 

What should we do? Huh? Just go ahead and say those things are OUTFITS? Who on Earth would believe that?