Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Apocalypse Wow

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Hey, Blog Guy, I liked your item about that Naked Cowboy, and I was wondering. Do you think that could be one of those signs of the coming Apocalypse you keep writing about?

Hmmmm. A very good question, and something I should have noticed myself! One sec, let me consult my Nostradamus. Let’s see. Underpants… Times Square… Yokels. Blue candy…$6 million… Yep, it’s all in there, so I think you’re right.

Indeed, with a long weekend ahead of us, maybe it would be good for readers to study some of my other postings about the Apocalypse, so we’ll all know it when we see it. Here you go:

The photo they didn’t want us to see…
Wow, radical new hair style, Tiffany!
Tight security for fancy potato heads…  
Let’s celebrate Father’s Day! Not so fast, Emma!

Mr. Cowboy, file your briefs…

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cowboy-briefs-160.jpgThis is complicated, so pay attention. The Naked Cowboy, a New York street performer who is not naked or a cowboy, is suing a candy maker for showing a scantily-clad blue M&M that resembles the cowboy, on a Times Square billboard. The Cowboy wants $6 million. 

I am not taking sides here, but if skimpy attire in Times Square is worth a trademark, then a lot of people did it long before the Cowboy. The place was  kind of famous for it. On the other hand, if you’re going to imitate someone  that hick tourists have their photos taken with, you shouldn’t do it in the very spot that is synonymous with huge crowds. 

Pouting bikini models behind bars…

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“Connie, we have a huge problem. Some of the models are complaining that our outfits are too stupid-looking to wear in the fashion show. One of them said you want her to go out in a bikini, patterned stockings, boots, gloves, a jewelled purse and necklace. That does sound kind of lame to me…

“Well Connie, if they won’t show up, that’s it. I mean, you can’t drag them out there locked in cages, can you? Can you imagine what the blog headlines would say? Connie? Connie!”

Put your bags in the Spice Rack, girls

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victoria-160.jpgThere’s an odd new trend, naming airplanes after women. I don’t mean aviation pioneers like Amelia Earhart. I mean like the Victoria’s Secret models. The latest example is this Spice Girls thing, where they paint up the fuselage, invite cameramen, and the next thing you know we’re issuing 17 still photos, a slideshow and a video clip. I guess that sounds fair.

The thing is, nobody seems to have time to be clever anymore. Spice One isn’t a very imaginative name. If this trend had begun back when sex goddess Jayne Mansfield was alive, hers could have been called Plane Jayne. And if Mother Teresa had her own airliner, it could have been Nun One. Now that’s fun!

What, you’ve never seen underwear?

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“Cripes, Lonnie, you plannin’ on eating supper in your skivvies again, like some kind of a male model or whatever? Makes me so darn mad!

“Well as long as you’re living under my roof, if you want to show up for meals looking like that guy on the Roman Meal bread package, then you can at least have the courtesy to wear your good helmet! And I want to see your disco medallion, and your festive bracelet! And that gold ring you got for almost graduating from high school!

Okay, who had 131 in the pool?

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victoria-lips-140.jpgJust to catch you up, I have been a bit amused this week at the abundant coverage of those Victoria’s Secret models, starting on Monday when we filed 15 shots of their arrival in California.

I mean, that’s not such a huge deal. Even Jed Clampett managed to get to the West Coast.

And for meritorious underwear posing…

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star-face-140.jpgAfter months of a J.D. Salinger sort of existence, the Victoria’s Secret models are back making real news again. We moved 15 pictures of them landing in a plane, as you saw in this blog yesterday, followed by 11 more photos and a video report of them getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Wait a minute. Don’t you have to be like Jack Nicholson or Meryl Streep or somebody talented to get one of those Walk of Fame star things?

Doc Jocks: what’s wrong with YOU?

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What you see here is a medical breakthrough – lingerie which can instantly identify and diagnose hundreds of maladies. This young woman probably had no idea she was crazy, until she paraded in front of gawking crowds of spectators in her undies.

Other “models” at the medical convention were surprised to learn they had scabies, lactose intolerance and fear of circus clowns, at the same time the information was flashed on their behinds. The firm that owns the technology was asked why it was only using it in skimpy undergarments, and replied, “Just because.”

Are Victoria’s Secret models turning shy?

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This week, we moved some newsphotos of a new Victoria’s Secret uplift bra, and the question suddenly hit me: what are those darned supermodels doing these days? The year 2007 is half over, and Reuters has had only 32 pictures illustrating their adventures, compared with nearly 200 pictures for 2006!

Of course, 2006 was an exceptional year, what with one of the models winning the Nobel Prize for Undergarments, two of them being elected to the U.S. Senate, and another finding a cure for a tropical disease between beach photo shoots. But all that’s history now.

A brief glimpse: the drastic elastic outfit

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This young man is trying a new strategy for getting through airport security quickly. ”There is no way they can slow me down,” he explains. ”There’s nothing else they can ask me to take off.”

Of course, the joke is on him. Little does he know that airport security is profiling guys wearing tighty-whities this month, and he should have chosen boxers.