Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Drive slower, Ma, you can’t see over the mushrooms!

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Blog Guy, I’ve signed up for one of your tours to Krasnoyarsk, that Siberian city you call Wackytown. I’m very excited!

Cool! Which tour will you be joining?

It’s your “Sunny Siberia Beach Holiday,” in December. You’re positive we’ll have lots of warm beach weather in December?

Sure. When it’s winter here, it’s summer in Siberia. At least I think that’s how it works. Plus, they’re in a different time zone.

Ah, you’re the expert. Will we get a chance to shop for some local produce?

Stake Night on the Vampire Cruise?

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Blog Guy, I know you’re a travel expert, and I need some advice. I am a vampire. I would like to go someplace where I don’t feel, you know, different.

Maybe I can help. I just saw a story saying hundreds of vampire enthusiasts are planning a vacation cruise on the the Zuiderdam, tailored to their interests. It’s called “Vamps at Sea.” Maybe you should try it.

Look, Honey, a free vacation cruise!

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We may have hit the acme of absurdity. We should plant our flag and turn back.

Let me explain. I work at home, and I am interrupted daily by automated calls trying  to fool me in some way. I don’t believe it should be legal to intrude on privacy like this, but I don’t make the laws.

Last week, I answered a robotic call and heard, “Congratulations! This household has been selected to receive an absolutely free vacation cruise! Press one for more information, or two to be taken off the list.”

Jump now, avoid the crowds!

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Blog Guy, I keep reading in your blog about that place in Siberia that you call Wackytown, and I really want to visit there.

You mean Krasnoyarsk. Go there! You probably won’t be sorry. In fact, that’s their exact tourism slogan.

You’re kidding me, right? Right?

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Blog Guy, everybody knows you give the best travel advice. I’m out of my mind, like totally nuts, and I’m looking for a good vacation spot.

Have you been to that viewing platform I wrote about in the Bavarian Alps?

Of course. Opening day.

How about The Ledge at the Sears Tower in Chicago?

Been there.

That walkway over the Grand Canyon?

Done it four times.

Jeez. Hmmm. Are you willing to go to Canada?

Sure! I did mention that I’m nuts, right?

Then you should try this new tourist attraction at the CN Tower in Toronto, where you can traipse around an open-mesh metal walkway almost a quarter of a mile above the ground. There’s no guard rail.

Can I borrow your toothbrush for my feet?

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Great news. We have another one of those serious etiquette columns that appear to be aimed at folks who were raised by neanderthals. Early neanderthals, not the more evolved ones.

This particular column tells you how to behave if you are a house guest. If you still need to be told this stuff, then good luck ever getting invited anyplace.

Giant black cloud? How bad could it be?

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Blog Guy, I wanted to follow up on an item you had a few days ago, about that gigantic 300-acre “marijuana plantation” that was found by soldiers in Mexico.

What about it?

I was just wondering if it’s possible to rent the plantation for nature study trips. Or fraternity parties.

Just another blood-sucking ski resort?

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Blog Guy, you know that city in Siberia that you like to call Wackytown? Didn’t you say you organize tours there, so your readers can see for themselves?

Yes, Krasnoyarsk is the goofiest spot on earth. Maybe you’d like to sign up for my upcoming ski resort holiday there.

A rouble for your trouble, my good man…

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Blog Guy, how much does Vladimir Putin earn?

You mean as Russia’s prime minister? Not very much, I’m afraid. Why do you ask?

Well, my wife and I were on a trip recently and I’m pretty sure Putin drove our taxi in from the airport. I was just a little surprised, is all.

Beach Blanket? Bingo!

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Blog Guy, summer is almost here, and once again we’re faced with that annual problem. You know the one.  

You put on an unsightly 200 pounds over the winter and you’re embarrassed to be seen in a swimsuit?