Blog Guy, don’t get me wrong. I love the fact that you post fresh stuff on Saturdays and Sundays, and I enjoyed learning about balloon animal makers and naked hokey pokey this weekend.

Thanks. But?

Well, I thought maybe if you used a few more gratuitous photos from the big Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York it might artificially pump up your weekend numbers. I know it’s a cheap trick, but times are hard.

Indeed. I take your point, stranger. Three fresh photos from the big show, and I’ll throw in tags like lingerie and models and fashion and stuff like that. Thanks for the suggestion!

Um, Blog Guy, this isn’t exactly what I had in… oh, never mind….

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Left: Actor Kyle MacLauglin arrives for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York, November 19, 2009.

Center: Actor Jeremy Sisto arrives for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

Right: Sir Richard Branson, founder and president of Britain’s Virgin Group, arrives for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

REUTERS photos by Carlo Allegri

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Okay, this is the point we’ve come to in America.

We are told in a bunch of captions that this is a $3 million bra, but we are given no clue as to why it costs at least two and a half million dollars more than a regular bra.

Here are some possible reasons for that price tag, but these are only wild guesses…

• The model comes with it?
• It’s made from real t-bone steak?
• All proceeds from the sale go to fight Lupus?
• It’s half of an outfit worn by Lee Majors in a very special episode of The Six Million Dollar Man?

Victoria’s Secret slideshow

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Above: Model Marisa Miller presents a $3 million bra during the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York, November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Right: Model Marisa Miller poses with the $3 million dollar bra, November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

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Well fashion fans, it won’t be long now. It’s the evening of the big Victoria’s Secret annual holiday fashion show. I mean, most of YOU won’t see it today, because it won’t be aired for a couple of weeks, but we’ll have lots of still photos for you and if you flip through them real fast, it’s just like being there.

Meanwhile, the models have to finish getting prepared for the show.

Here, one of them is seen loading up on the six and a half calories she gets every day. I can’t quite tell what this slop is, but it’s not fried onion rings and doughnuts, I’ll tell you that.

If you look at the bottom edge of her plate, it looks as though she has scooted some kind of bean away from the rest of the food. No telling what kind of damage a bean can do.

Or maybe it’s just that she can’t quite lift it to her mouth.

Come back tomorrow, for full coverage.

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Model Caroline Winberg eats backstage at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

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Blog Guy, is it true that New York City has been invaded by Amazonian Queens from another planet?

Yes. We have photos of them. It appears they have never seen Earthlings before.

How tall are they?

About nine feet, wearing 10-inch stilettos.

Gosh, what’s your take on them?

I’m afraid. Very afraid. Sure, judging from the photos they seem easily amused, but they are capable of hiding their deeper thoughts behind vapid facades.

Rumors are spreading rapidly that they plan to take 100 human males back to their planet to breed with them.

Yikes! That must be causing mass panic and chaos in New York!

For sure. The line for volunteers already goes from Times Square up to The Bronx, and it’s expected to reach Boston by tonight.

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Above: A tourist poses next to Victoria’s Secret models following their appearance in New York’s Times Square to celebrate the return of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show to New York, November 18, 2009.

Middle: Victoria’s Secret models Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (L) and Izabel Goulart (R) pose in Times Square.

Below: Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsoloo poses in Times Square.

REUTERS photos by Brendan McDermid

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Fashion staff, this new push-up product of ours is going to turn the beauty business upside down!

Look at this pathetic Victoria’s Secret model showing off their push-up bra. Who needs that? Bosoms are SO last year. Just ask any guy.

Which is where our product comes in. Get ready for the age of the CLAVICLE! That’s right, collar bones ARE the new breasts!

See the hot model in the photo below? See how sensuous her clavicles look when they’re pushed up by our new miracle garment?

Now, for under $30, every woman in America can look like she’s had expensive Clavicle Enhancement Surgery, just like the movie stars have.

It’s a new ballgame, guys. Second base now starts at the neck!

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Above: Victoria’s Secret Angel Miranda Kerr introduces their new line of Dream Angel push up bras in New York April 7, 2009. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

Left: A model presents a creation from Teca’s 2010 spring/summer collection during Fashion Rio Show in Rio de Janeiro June 7, 2009. REUTERS/Alex Carvalho

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You may have seen that story about a Detroit woman whose bra  deflected a bullet shot at her as she witnessed a burglary, saving her from more serious injury.

Every guy of a certain age will immediately think of Wonder Woman. I know, it was really BRACELETS that protected Wonder Woman from bullets, but guys looked at that red and gold bra on Lynda Carter and KNEW it did something miraculous.

But here’s the thing. I did some research, which isn’t like me. It turns out that as life-saving miracle devices go, the brassiere is right up there with penicillin and the colonoscopy.

Just a few days ago, gunmen attacked a bus in Brazil and fired at a woman, who survived because she was carrying wads of cash, you guessed it, in her bra. Clever headline writers wrote about her “treasure chest.”

Then there was the hiker in the Alps last year who, given up for dead, threw her brightly colored bra onto a cable car. Clever headline writers said she was saved from “twin peaks.”

It turns out, bras have saved enough women to make me suspicious of a propaganda plot involving the undergarment industry and headline writers. Is this how urban legends get started?

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Above: Lynda Carter, who played TV’s Wonder Woman, arrives at Kennedy Center in Washington DC, in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Mike Theiler

Below: Victoria’s Secret models pose at the launch of the Biofit Uplift Bra in Los Angeles in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

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It’s March already, so it’s time to head over to the OBB (Off-Blog Betting) parlor and collect your winnings if you correctly guessed my blog’s five most popular posts for February.

Two of them were about Barack Obama and the others were about stupid stuff, so I’m illustrating it with a Victoria’s Secret shot for no apparent reason. You’ll thank me later.

Here they are, starting with number five:

5. What’s wrong with this picture?

4. You left the football in the restaurant Michelle?

3. Does Ma know you’re doin’ this?

2. Do you want to purchase a meal Mr. President?

1. You like my pasty white legs?

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Model Doutzen Kroes unveils the new Vintage Victoria Collection at Victoria’s Secret Lexington Avenue Store in New York February 11, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Thayer

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Blog Guy, I don’t know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas. Any suggestions?

Sure. How about buying her a Flagship?

A what?

Well, I just saw some photos that said Victoria’s Secret opened a new “Flagship store.” Judging from this picture, I gather a Flagship is a large pair of scissors.

You’re an idiot! Why would my girlfriend want scissors big enough to cut through solid steel?

Just for the shear enjoyment? Hang on, I did some more research and it turns out a Flagship is a red dress…

You researched nothing! How do  you know Flagships aren’t a brand of shoes with stiletto heels?

I think you’re right! I hope your girlfriend enjoys her shoes. I’m going to write a Flagship article for Wikipedia now.

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Victoria’s Secret models pose for photographers at the opening of the new Victoria’s Secret flagship store in New York City, December 2, 2008. REUTERS/ Mike Segar

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Blog Guy, give us the list of the most popular items in your blog for November. A lot of us continue to wager on this stuff, and all my Christmas money is riding on this!

Okay, if  you were smart enough to figure out that Barack Obama was a pretty big story in November, you’re halfway there.

Here’s the top five list, and three of them - including number one and two - were Obama-related.

Yippee! I win! Little Timmy and what’s-her-name can have a Christmas! But why are you illustrating this item with Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show photos?

I’ve got thousands of these things. What else am I gonna do with them?

5. Sir, your glasses will be ready in 1162

4. You see this doorknob, Barack?

3. The hassle of sex? Not again!

2, Is that Obama in a mullet haircut?

1. We’re worried about your daughter!

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Victoria’s Secret models at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2008 in Miami Beach, Florida, November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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Blog Guy, I heard there was a Victoria’s Secret fashion show on Saturday. Do you have a lot of pictures from it? Please, Please?

Not a lot, just 80 or so… Here are some of them. Just click on the little ones to make them bigger.

Wait! That doesn’t do anything!

But it kept you busy for a few minutes, didn’t it?

So what am I supposed to do with these itty-bitty photos?

You could cut ‘em up and try using them as postage stamps. Or you could squint, look at them really fast, and pretend you’re watching TV.

You must think I’m pretty pathetic.

Hey, you’re the guy who’s still wearing out your mouse on teeny pictures that don’t do anything!

Victoria’s Secret slideshow

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Victoria’s Secret models present creations during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2008, in Miami Beach, Florida  November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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