Blog Guy, I heard there was a Victoria’s Secret fashion show on Saturday. Do you have a lot of pictures from it? Please, Please?

Not a lot, just 80 or so… Here are some of them. Just click on the little ones to make them bigger.

Wait! That doesn’t do anything!

But it kept you busy for a few minutes, didn’t it?

So what am I supposed to do with these itty-bitty photos?

You could cut ‘em up and try using them as postage stamps. Or you could squint, look at them really fast, and pretend you’re watching TV.

You must think I’m pretty pathetic.

Hey, you’re the guy who’s still wearing out your mouse on teeny pictures that don’t do anything!

Victoria’s Secret slideshow

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Victoria’s Secret models present creations during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2008, in Miami Beach, Florida  November 15, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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Congratulate me, Blog Guy!

Why?

I enlisted in the Navy!

Awesome. Which one?

There’s more than one?

Sure. There’s the regular U.S. Navy, and then there’s the Victoria’s Secret Navy.They’re both recruiting now.

And the difference? I’m afraid to ask.

Well, you know about the regular navy. Ships, planes, attacks, torpedoes, surface-to-air missiles…  But in the OTHER navy, you mostly ride around on yachts filled with Victoria’s Secret lingerie supermodels, taking them to different places in the Caribbean, opening champagne, slathering tanning oil on them, stuff like that.

Jeez Louise! Is it too late for me to…

Yep.

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Victoria’s Secret models arrive on a yacht to the Fontainebleau resort in Miami Beach November 14, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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“Honey, should I wear my red dress tonight, or my…”

“Yes…”

There you have it. An actual conversation that proves men like red stuff on women. And yet, Reuters reports on a new study that spent $40 million to see if red was more of a turn-on for men than, say, dark brown.

That figure is just a rough guess, you understand, since I have no idea what it really cost.

But if somebody IS still funding studies to prove the bleeding obvious, I want a piece of that.

I’d like to find out if guys prefer…

• stiletto heels and ankle straps, or rubber flip-flops
• blondes, or chicks with brown hair and flecks of dandruff falling out
• creamy smooth skin, or a lot of big ripe zits
• women who want expensive jewelry, or women who think gems are “icky”

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Top: REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

Below left: REUTERS/Eirc Gaillard

Below right: REUTERS/Alexander Natruski

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This is National Underwear Day. I know what you’re saying, “But Bob, I thought that was back in February!”

No, that event, which we covered, was Brazilian National Underwear Day, which is on a different day because they’re in the Southern Hemisphere or something, and also because they have a different word for underwear.

I still don’t know exactly what we’re supposed to do to celebrate, but if you haven’t changed your underwear yet in 2008, that would be a real good start. And don’t forget to take some underwear to the office today, for the traditional Undie Exchange.

Meanwhile, this blog has a lot of items with the underwear tag, and you will probably want to read them aloud during the festivities at your office. Here are my favorites:

What, you’ve never seen underwear?

Bra flag: from C to shining C…

Hey! Are you wearing Lollipop’s underpants?

Grab your undies, Little Joe! They got Pa!

No wonder the bride is blushing…

Above: Models pose at the main bus station in downtown Brasilia to celebrate Brazil’s National Underwear Day February 27, 2008. REUTERS/Jamil Bitta

Below: Models lift their traditional Bavarian clothes to show the ‘Oktoberfest’ underwear in Munich in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Michaela Rehle

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Blog Guy, I enjoy your strange blog very much. Is there any way I can find others who like it as well?

You mean so you can become friends with them?

Well, no, I was more thinking so I can avoid them if I see them on the street. Maybe get some temporary restraining orders.

Ah. That makes sense. If  you have a Facebook profile, you can join my Oddly Enough Blog network there. Believe it or not, it’s the number one blog under the humor tag, and you’ll find a lot of other readers.

Can I do anything else there?

Yes. You may post comments about the blog, and also rate it. And, it’s a convenient way to invite your own Facebook friends to read the Oddly Enough blog.

That’s great, but this whole exchange seems to be nothing more than a promotion for your blog.

Not true. There’s also this Victoria’s Secret photo.

Victoria’s Secret Angels pose together during a store appearance in New York February 7, 2008. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

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Blog Guy, me and my friends don’t read books at the beach any more. Instead, we use wireless to surf your blog and read it aloud to each other. It’s a great way to attract chicks. 

I wanted to be sure I had your most popular posts from the month of June. What were they?

These were my top five most popular posts for June. I’m using an unrelated photo because, well, do you want to see Victoria’s Secret models, or some guy with needles all over him?

5. And the fastest-growing stupid sport is…

4. Enjoy your lavish 38-cent lunch…move along…

3.  ‘Lock and load’ means it’s safe, right?

2. Toilet’s broken… Next one’s 210 miles south!

1. Yeah? Could a stupid guy do this?

Victoria’s Secret Angels pose during a 2008 appearance in New York. REUERS/Brendan McDermid

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As you may have read, a woman is suing Victoria’s Secret because she says she was hurt by her thong panties when a metal clip holding a rhinestone flew off and hit her in the eye.

Personal injury is a very serious thing. Still, if this comes to trial she’s probably going to have to show how it happened in court. I can see lawyers, jurors and the judge all wearing industrial goggles to protect their eyes while the woman pulls on thongs every which way, trying to duplicate the sharp zing of flying rhinestones.

As a dedicated consumer advocate, I’ve tested odd claims before. You may recall Help me, I’m in a grape jam! If something bad happens, please explain to my family why I was found in a room full of extra large thongs, the walls pock-marked with staples and shards of imitation gems. They’ll want to know what happened.

More news about Victoria’s Secret

Model presents winged angel lingerie by Victoria’s Secret in 2000 file photo. REUTER/Fred Prouser

Brazilian model Adriana Lima poses with lingerie at a Victoria’s Secret store in 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Albert Ferreira

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Blog Guy, recently I was in Montreal, Canada, and I saw women’s brassieres hanging all over the place. You’re a sophisticated guy, so what’s up with that?

I think that must be the new Montreal flag. They didn’t want to use some variation of the maple leaf, because that’s already been done, and they liked the shape and variety of bras that are available. Also, I’m pretty sure the local hockey team is the Montreal Maidenforms.

You’re a moron. I don’t think you know anything about this at all. Plus, I believe you only ran this item so you could use that “C to shining C” headline!

Just shut up and salute the flag!

Related: Up to his ears in brazen brassieres?

Thousands of bras hang in the Old Port of Montreal, May 29, 2008. A local radio station collected 67,000 bras to raise awareness and funds for the Quebec Breast Cancer Society. REUTERS/Christinne Muschi

I’m as surprised as anybody, but not a single item about Victoria’s Secret made it into the top five postings for this blog in May!

Oh sure, everybody will have a theory on that, but personally I think it was because we didn’t have a single post that even mentioned Victoria’s Secret.

Apart from that, the most-visited items had absolutely nothing in common. A mango-eating contest, a dead writer’s skull, a bra with a difference, and so on. See for yourselves:

5. The whole mango fandango!

4. Stupid story gets much stupider

3. Take off your blouse, babe, I need to charge my laptop!

2. Sir, that carry-on bag is too large! Sir!

1. Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you…Oh, it is?

Models from Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, 2007. REUTERS photos by Mario Anzuoni

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Blog Guy, I’ve seen readers mention wagering large sums on the most popular items in your blog, but I didn’t believe it until now. I’m in Las Vegas, and the gaming in a classy casino has stopped while we await your April results.  My money is on that emaciated model.

Ouch, I hope you hedged your bet a bit. Yours was number three. The top item was $60,000? I only parked for an hour!, about a new kind of urban car parking being tested. The post was very, very popular.

But if that was number one, why are you illustrating these results with a Victoria’s Secret model from the second-place item?

Oh, get real. Here are the top five:

5. Babe, can we skip this museum?

4. 75 MPH? Must be a school zone!

3. The bride’s shoulder blades were stunning…

2. News is skimpy on the bikini beat

1. $60,000? I only parked for an hour!

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