In the past I’ve often poked fun at wax museums, and I have implied that they are stupid. But now, I realize that some of them are way beyond stupid.

I’m guessing that because of Obama’s visit to Mexico City, their wax museum had to scramble and find an Obama figure at the last minute.

It looks to me as though they took a statue of that TV actor, Tony Shalhoub, and tried to turn it into Obama.

The result is just bizarre. I don’t want to sound negative, but the Mexican wax version of our country’s first black president looks, well, like a white guy!

Just compare the real Obama on the left with Waxy Barack on the right.

Anyway, I don’t wish to alarm Tony Shalhoub fans who may be planning a vacation South of the Border. Obama’s visit is over, and I’m sure “Monk” will be back in his rightful place at the museum very soon.

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Above left: President Barack Obama in Mexico City, April 16, 2009. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Above right and below: A wax figure of Obama at the Wax Museum in Mexico City, April 15, 2009. REUTERS/Henry Romero

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Welcome to a little feature I like to call WHAT THE?

Today we check our own news video section, to find footage of a new Michelle Obama figure at a Madame Tussauds.

I’ll let that sink in for a moment. Actual moving pictures of wax figures that don’t move at all. Pal, you can roll that video all day, and Michelle won’t budge unless the TV lights melt her.

There’s more. Our text says artists used details of the first lady, down to “the exact distance between her nostrils.”

Nobody has pictures like that, so they must have asked for the info.

“Dear Ms. Obama, I collect nasal facts about first ladies. If it isn’t too much trouble, could you grab a yardstick and tell us how far it is from one nostril to the other?”

Right. How long do you think it took the Secret Service to trace that query and bust into the studio with stun grenades?

But my favorite tidbit here is the promise that museum visitors will “be able to hug” the wax Obamas.

What a relief! That satisfies the universal human need to be comforted by waxen inanimate objects.

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Blog Guy, that President-elect Obama is sure keeping you newshounds busy! How many photos have you issued of him so far today?

Uh, four, eight, twelve, looks like sixteen, if you count wax museum figures of him in New York, Berlin and London, looking like he was recently embalmed.

How many if you don’t count wax figures?

Looks like none, so far. We work with what’s available. Some days we get the actual genuine flesh and blood dude, and some days we get a life-size candle, minus a wick.

Besides, it appears I may be the only one who knows the difference. We quoted a spokeswoman for a wax museum as saying, “On inauguration day…we thought it fitting that Americans could come and meet the president for free.”

Do you think she honestly believes that standing next to a big waxy figurine is the same as meeting a president?

You ask her. I’m afraid to!

Wax Baracks slideshow

Wax Baracks video

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Above: Brazilian tourists pose with a wax replica of President- elect Barack Obama at Madame Tussauds in New York, January 15, 2009. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

Below: Wax replica of Obama is unveiled in a mock-up of the The White House’s Oval Office at Madame Tussauds in London, January 15, 2009. REUTERS/Toby Melville

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Blog Guy, I heard there was some big deal at the White House today. Can you please check with your sources?

Under an obscure rule, every four years on January 7, anybody who’s ever been elected president and has a suit on can come to the Oval Office to reclaim the job. Today, they ALL showed up! Security folks kept them at bay with long poles.

Wait a minute! This is just more of your horse poopy! That didn’t happen!

Let me correct myself. Maddame Tussauds opened a new Oval Office exhibit, with wax works of all the living ex-presidents. The TV lights got too hot and the wax started to…

What a moron! That didn’t happen, either!

Sigh. You’re right. You know those cardboard cutouts that tourists pose with as a gag? Somebody moved five of them into the same room, and…

Finally, the truth. Don’t you feel better now?

You got me. I sure do.

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Former President President George H.W. Bush, President-elect Barack Obama, President George W. Bush, former President Bill Clinton and former President Jimmy Carter meet in the Oval Office of the White House, January 7, 2009. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

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My opinion of wax museums is no secret. I fail to get the entertainment value of life-size statues of famous people who look like they were recently embalmed.

Whatever, these photos here are so freakish they skid across the line into surrealism. We see live women dressed as angels, flirting with a wax George Clooney, who is dressed as a Santa.

I personally enjoy thinking that these women, who don’t get out much, thought they were posing with the REAL George Clooney. I think they were told that the actor was in a coma as a result of a traumatic Christmas goose accident, and that if they flirted with him he might emerge from it.

This is the only story line that works to explain these photos in my universe.

Waxworks slideshow

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Women wearing Christmas angels costumes pose with a  wax figure of actor George Clooney which is dressed in a Santa Claus outfit, at the German ‘Madame Tussauds’ in Berlin December 5, 2008. REUTERS/Hannibal Hanschke

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Today was opening day for a wax museum in Berlin, where one exhibit was a controversial wax figure of Adolf Hitler in his bunker. Some folks were very unhappy about this exhibit. There were signs asking visitors not to pose with Hitler, which is something I never thought you’d need to ask.

So just minutes after the opening, some guy pushes the security guards aside, leaps over a desk, twists Hitler’s big waxy head off, and runs away.

Note to self: do NOT hire these particular security dudes, who don’t seem to grasp the concept. In fairness, though, you can see in this photo that a guard remained on the scene after the incident, I guess in case the intruder came back for the desk.

Guard stands next to empty mock desk of Adolf Hitler after a man tore the head off the waxwork figure on the opening day of Berlin`s ‘Madame Tussauds’ July 5, 2008. REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay

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I have a deep fear that wax museums will totally confuse the future civilizations that discover them centuries from now. What will they think, finding a waxy Paris Hilton in prison stripes? 

But I must say that a couple of days ago I had a brief flash of appreciation for this art form, upon seeing a tableau of assorted politicians, all grinning at a waxen Pope Benedict around his birthday cake. 

I thought surely the plan was to implant big honking wicks into their heads, and use the statues as  lifesize candles to surprise the real pope when he arrives in DC this week. What a sight!

Well, that was SO NOT THE PLAN, that it turns out I’m supposed to stick close to home for a few days, and be available for questioning. That’s the last time I say what I suppose everybody else is thinking!

Related post: Political paraffin-alia on display

Wax figures of Pope Benedict  and President George W. Bush are pictured “attending” a birthday party with wax figures of presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, and former President Bill Clinton in Washington, April 10, 2008. REUTERS/Jeff Snyder/Handout

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The supposed charms of wax museums are totally lost on me. I don’t get the point. And thanks to global warming, this form of entertainment now seems more pointless than ever.

“Folks, if you’ll step over here, this puddle of melted wax used to be Lucille Ball, and that puddle over there was Richard Nixon…”

But here are the Madame Tussauds people again, turning perfectly good candles into figures of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, posing them grinning and waving like the Beverly Hillbillies’ closing credits. As often happens, our caption carefully tells which is which, just to avoid confusion. 

 Photo slideshow

Other wax museum posts: Why do we care? and Waxing silly…

Lifelike wax figures of Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) (R) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) on display at Madame Tussauds in Washington February 11, 2008. REUTERS/Molly Riley

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Dear Blog Guy,
What’s the silliest thing you’ve seen so far, regarding coverage of Paris Hilton’s hard time in the Big House?
Just Wondering

That’s a tough call. I thought it was kind of amusing when we showed photos and video of what the bunk and toilet in her cell would look like, and I laughed out loud when I saw the murky footage of dark cars driving her to the jail. That segment resembled a Cold War Berlin prisoner exchange scene in some low-budget movie. Then there was the quote from her lawyer saying Hilton plans to use her jail time to reflect on her life and decide how she can “make the world a better place.”

But then, I came upon the photo below, of a wax museum’s model of Paris Hilton, wearing what somebody must think prison outfits look like, with a tourist posing next to it. I think that’s the one to beat at this point. Please use Post a Comment to tell us where you think it can go from here, and don’t be afraid of being too outrageous.

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A tourist poses with a wax figure of Paris Hilton dressed in prison wear at Madame Tussauds in New York June 4 2007. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid