Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Oh, you’ll pay me all right, it’s Mandytory!

Photo

Blog Guy, I’m very worried and I need your help. I read this article about expensive performers you can hire for weddings and parties. Like for just $1.5 million, I guess you could have Amy Winehouse sing at a child’s birthday party.

Yeah, if you’re not trying for the “Parent of the Year” award.

Well, here’s what really worries me. The article said Barry Manilow will play a party for $1.3 million. But what if he ‘demands more than that to NOT show up and play? I’m not sure I can afford that.

Sorry, you’ve lost me there…

Look. Suppose I’m setting up for my wedding reception and suddenly Barry Manilow comes by and says, “Looks like a nice party here. It’d be a shame if I came along and sang, wouldn’t it? For $2 million, I can promise that won’t happen.”

So you even rented the BRIDE?

Photo

We have this story today that says if you don’t know enough people to invite to your wedding, it turns out you can HIRE total strangers from this Japanese agency who will come and pretend to be your family and friends.

Surely this is another sign of that approaching Apocalypse. In addition to all the other runaway expenses of having a wedding, you can now add $200 a person so you don’t look quite as much like the total loser you really are?

The most romantic wedding spot on earth?

Photo

I guess every couple in love wants to be Romeo and Juliet. To refresh your memory, Juliet was a 13-year-old girl who couldn’t marry her boyfriend, so she takes a potion that makes her seem dead, then he finds her and takes poison, and when she wakes up and sees his body she stabs herself to death.

What young love bugs wouldn’t want a relationship like that?

Now modern lovers can have the ultimate romantic thrill, getting married on the balcony in the 13th century mansion thought to be the home of the Capulets of Shakespeare’s tragedy, ‘West Side Story.’

Run! It’s Señor Zorro the Pig!

Photo

Hang on just a dad-gum minute there, Blog Guy!

What’s wrong, stranger who talks just like Jed Clampett?

You had a purty good sign of the Apocalypse a couple days back, but I reckon you overlooked a better one. I saw some Reuters photos of…

Yes, yes, I know. I’ve had nightmares. You mean the dressed-up pigs?

Durn tootin’ I do!

Yeah, they dress pigs up like humans at this festival in the Philippines. I saw Zorro, a bride and groom, some boxers, then I passed out.

“You may now kiss the bride.” “No thanks.”

Photo

Blog Guy, I’m planning a June wedding and I’d like it to have a sophisticated feel. Are there any foreign wedding customs we might want to use?

Well, in Romania the brides all go sit out on the curb and smoke a butt together on the big day.

Maybe the worst idea EVER?

Photo

Every so often an idea comes along that is so awful it makes me wonder why there isn’t a “Bad Idea Hall of Fame” or maybe a “Bad Idea Olympics.”

Meet the “marriage hunting” bra, unveiled today in Tokyo.

It features a digital marriage countdown clock and, being a bra, it is worn around the midriff. I’m not making this up.

Honey, will you marry… Ewwwww!

Photo

So now they’re selling a diamond and gold-leaf “carat cake” as a $2,500 gift for guys to give when they propose marriage. I see disaster ahead.

“Honey, we’ve been dating for two years, and I have something to ask you…

What was that blast? Oh, Amy’s getting married!

Quick quiz: Which wedding tradition never really caught on very well in the U.S.?

a) throwing the bouquet

b) making everybody do the Chicken Dance

c) taking 420,000 pictures you’ll never look at

d) having the bride pour oil over live coals

That’s right, the oil and coal tradition just hasn’t been embraced here, despite its enduring popularity in places like Kazakhstan and, well, Kazakhstan.

Honey, I’m home! Honey, I’m home! Honey, I’m home!

Photo

A few weeks ago I had a very popular item about this guy in Nigeria who had 86 wives and was ordered to divorce all but four of them. You may recall it as I wish to file for 82 divorces, please.

Judging from the blog traffic I got, people seem to be pretty darned interested once a guy goes past, say, a couple dozen wives.

51 Ways to Leave Your Lover…

Photo

Congratulations, it’s your wedding day!

Sure, as the groom, you may have cold feet, it’s only natural. Like maybe you’re afraid to take the plunge because oh, let’s just say for instance you remembered you’re already married to someone else.

So on the morning of the wedding you go talk reasonably to your bride-to-be, or her parents, or your clergyman, right?