Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Presenting the Veiled Threat!

Photo
-

fashion-0911-crop-140.jpg

Blog Guy, I was supposed to be married, but my fian stood me up at the altar and took off with my best friend. What can I do to express my anger?

Fortunately, you no longer need to suffer in silence when you’re “jilt to the hilt,” thanks to a fashion creation called the Veil of Tears.

For $99.99 you can get a effigy of your fiancé or the chick who lured him away, and a handy clip to attach it to your actual unused wedding veil.  For instance, the woman in this fashion photo apparently lost her boyfriend to Lucille Ball.

Now, everywhere you go, folks will get the message about your fiancé and the trash queen that stole him away. Or, for only $499.99, get the deluxe model, which comes with colorful pins and a genuine voodoo curse! Batteries not included.

I wish to file for 82 divorces, please…

Photo
-

From Nigeria, a story about this guy with 86 wives. Not surprisingly, he’s having some legal problems.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say I have financial interests in Nigeria. I’m helping a certain prince move large sums of cash and gold out of that country, thanks to a lucky e-mail opportunity. I expect to be very rich, very soon.

What a thoughtful wedding gift! Part of a horse!

Photo
-

Folks, we got a wedding to plan! Who’s giving away the bride? The proud father?

No, Salvatore’s in prison.

toto-couple-2-200.jpgHow about the bride’s Uncle Leoluca or her brother Gianni?

Prison.

Um, her brother Giuseppe?

Prison. No, wait! I think Giuseppe got out! HE can give her away!

Welcome to the tribulations of planning a wedding in Sicily for the daughter of a former “boss of bosses.” And it only gets worse.

Do they ALWAYS say ’til death do us part?

Photo
-

bridal-2-crop-140.jpgWell Mom, at long last, meet Patty – my sweet bride! Oh, I think Patty likes you, Mom! She doesn’t usually smile that much. Patty is too shy to tell you herself, but see those white doves in her hair? She shot them herself!

The flour make-up was her idea. She says it will cut the chances anybody will recognize her from our wedding photos.

And that should bring us lots of dough oh-oh-oh….

Photo
-

The tills are alive, with the sound of money,
The tourists will pay, for our souvenirs,
Their cash fills our tills, with the sound of mon-ney
Room service, bring us a doz-zen beers!

It turns out the original Sound of Music family home is being turned into a hotel, or you might say a von tourist von Trapp… You can sleep there, you can get married in the family chapel, or eat a few of your favorite things in the dining room.

The bride’s shoulder blades were stunning…

Photo
-

shoulders-crop-160.jpgBlog Guy, I recall that back in March, your most popular post was about a proposal to use cadavers instead of live models at fashion shows, to save money for the designers. Now I wonder if it ever took off. I bet this was just a trial balloon that never turned into anything real.

Well, you might have a look at this actual photo from a New York City fashion show last week. Does this LOOK like a healthy model? I’m only wondering how bad it has to get before we mention something about it in the caption.

One burger to a customer, pal!

Photo
-

burgers-120.jpgHey blog guy, I’m planning my wedding for June, and I’m on a tight budget. I know you’ve been a professional event planner. Can you give me some money-saving some tips?

Sure. Here are four ideas that really work… 

 1) Print your own invitations. It’s cheaper, plus you can put the wrong address on some and the wrong date on others, cutting the reception crowd in half. 

Shotgun wedding? roll out the double-barrel!

Photo
-

shells-this-140.jpgBlog Guy, I have a delicate problem. Our daughter is getting married next week and it’s a shotgun wedding. I’m choosing my dress, and I don’t know where I should carry my ammo for the event. 

Um, you may be taking that term a tad too literally. Modern parents don’t often tote a real shotgun to the nuptials. 

Sweetie, let’s take the big plunge!

Photo
-

Well, here’s one of my recurring nightmares. Not getting married – that was great – but standing out on the ledge of a tall building. I’d rather ride in a gyrocopter, or visit that new Grand Canyon skywalk.

Anyway, these two people both work as exterior cleaners of tall buildings, so they decided to incorporate rappelling into their ceremony, because like they don’t get enough of that on regular days. You’ll note in the caption below we’re careful to mention that the groom is the one on the right, just in case you’re confused about which is which.

Thanks for coming, now go quickly…

Photo
-

brideface140.jpgDear Blog Guy,
I need some advice on planning my wedding, and naturally you’re the first person I thought of. Everything is so expensive! Can you give some tips on ways to cut costs without seeming to be cheap?
Happy Bride

Sure, and congratulations. Many couples these days are offering speed-receptions – that is, wedding receptions that last only six minutes. As you can see in these photos, guests are stuffing their cake-holes as fast as they can, up against the deadline.