Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Nine ways to lose weight and live forever

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People say to me all the time, “Bob, your blog is SO stupid, how do you get people to read it?”

These folks don’t understand how online journalism works. You can write anything you want, and if you put a good headline on it people will read it. Especially if you hint at immortality, easy weight loss or better sex.

If your headline offers a numbered list, that’s even better. The best thing of all is a moderately clever play on words, which will attract people who think they are smart, and improve your demographics.

Toss in a photo of a nice dog or the Duchess of Cambridge, and it’s a hit.

A post-Thanksgiving image booster

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Blog Guy, I’m afraid I really pigged out yesterday at Thanksgiving, but I understand a few extra pounds are considered attractive these days.

Can you please find recent photos of some of the beautiful people who have let themselves go, so your readers can feel better about themselves after Turkey Day?

Lose weight the Christmas Party way!

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It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.

Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.

Eating healthy for peanuts?

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Blog Guy, so we’ve established that you lost some weight recently. I found your health tips helpful, but could you be more specific about what you ate?

Sure. I ate everything with a pulse.

So you went on an all-meat diet?

No, no, I mean pulse as in the edible seeds of certain legumes. Peas, beans, lentils, peanuts. VERY healthful stuff.

Baby, we’re goin’ out for head lard!

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Blog Guy, you know how on these hot, sticky summer evenings you get in a real mood for…

I bet you’re going to say lard, right?

You get those cravings too, huh? Man, there just aren’t any good lard restaurants around these days!

Five great tips for keeping in shape

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Blog Guy, you seem to have lost some weight, judging from your blog profile photo, and it looks like you’re working out, as well. Please share some health and fitness tips with your readers.

Okay. The first thing is to figure out what you should weigh. There are plenty of free online tools for calculating your Body Mass Index, which is a simple function of your height and weight.

So there isn’t a Toaster Pastry Diet?

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Okay, we already know there are a lot of really stupid people out there, but it may be time to recalibrate my measuring scale.

I just clicked on an item headlined “8 Foods to Banish from your Diet,” expecting it would offer some surprise foods that have more calories than most people think.

Along came a slider who sat down beside her…

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fashion sliders 490

Lamar, we’ve got another big fashion show today. What have you done to cut costs? I’m worried about this rule that we have to have food for the models.

COLOMBIA/Are you kidding, Boss? That costs us nothing! I just put out the five sliders again.