Blog Guy, I read your post about the G8 Summit yesterday. I heard that two of the leaders did a famous comedy routine. Could that be true?

Sort of. President Bush tried to teach a variation of the famous Abbott and Costello ”Who’s on first?” sketch to China’s President Hu. But when they did the bit live, Bush asked, ”Who’s on first?” and Hu just said “I am?” It went downhill from there.

Actually, the big hit at G8 Comedy Sketch Night was French President Sarkozy trying to do a fist bump with Brazil’s president. It brought down the house.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy (L) welcomes Brazil’s President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva to a photo opportunity at the G8 Summit in Toyako, Japan, July 9, 2008.  

U.S. President George W. Bush laughs with Chinese President Hu Jintao at the Summit, July 9, 2008. 

REUTERS photos by Jim Young

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Blog Guy, what’s the behind-the-scenes story on the G8 Summit in Japan this week?

Politicians, Japan, summertime, you’re gonna have karaoke. Look at George Bush, Gordon Brown and Angela Merkel belting out show tunes. There’s talk of a G8 soundtrack.

They went all that way just to sing?

Of course not! Look at this photo of the G8 leaders with shovels. This was designed as one of those Habitat sort-of deals, where they would all build a house together.

That’s more like it. Do you have a picture of the finished house?

You’re pretty much looking at it.

G8 leaders take part in a tree planting ceremony in Toyako, Japan, July 8, 2008.

G8 leaders share a laugh in Toyako July 8, 2008. They are U.S. President George W. Bush, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

REUTERS photos by Jim Young

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Regular readers will guess where this is headed. Yes, it’s another example of how sad life is in places where they don’t have U.S. television and can’t catch the new season of Dexter, old Laverne and Shirley reruns and stuff like that.

We reported on the Belarus military’s lack of decent entertainment in a posting last year called When troops don’t have access to cable TV, and clearly things haven’t improved. There just isn’t much to do there.

This latest picture shows soldiers totally missing the point of a limbo party. I mean, if this guy can’t limbo under that burning hunk of limbo debris, they’d better cut off his pina coladas for the night!

Related: Life without cable TV…

Soldiers display their skills during a military festival near the village of Goroshki, Belarus, July 5, 2008. REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko

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Okay, who’s the wise guy?

All of you know our motto here at Acme Snake Charming School: “Safety is pretty darned important.”

So, which one of you clowns rewrote the instructions for beginning students, to tell them to take the baskets with king cobras inside and overturn them on their own heads?  

Related: The other guys dared you to do WHAT?

Japanese Shakuhachi players perform during a media call for the World Shakuhachi Festival 2008, in Sydney, July 4, 2008. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

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Today was opening day for a wax museum in Berlin, where one exhibit was a controversial wax figure of Adolf Hitler in his bunker. Some folks were very unhappy about this exhibit. There were signs asking visitors not to pose with Hitler, which is something I never thought you’d need to ask.

So just minutes after the opening, some guy pushes the security guards aside, leaps over a desk, twists Hitler’s big waxy head off, and runs away.

Note to self: do NOT hire these particular security dudes, who don’t seem to grasp the concept. In fairness, though, you can see in this photo that a guard remained on the scene after the incident, I guess in case the intruder came back for the desk.

Guard stands next to empty mock desk of Adolf Hitler after a man tore the head off the waxwork figure on the opening day of Berlin`s ‘Madame Tussauds’ July 5, 2008. REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay

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Dear Blog Guy, I have a fashion problem and I hope you can help. People tell me I have a very nice build, but I think I’d prefer to look like I have a huge butt. Does anyone design clothes that do that?

Wow, I have to say I don’t get that request very often. You should check out an outfit I tracked down for you at a Paris fashion show just yesterday. If this doesn’t protect you from bothersome compliments, nothing will.

More about beauty

A model presents a creation by Italian designer Alessandra Facchinetti for fashion house Valentino as part of her Haute Couture Autumn-Winter 2008-2009 fashion show in Paris, July 2, 2008. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

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Memo to fashion design staff: Okay, I take full blame for this. When I asked you to design “a slinky dress” for the fashion show, see, I didn’t mean to use a real Slinky.

I think we have a real safety issue here. Do you know how much effort this poor model is exerting to fully extend the Slinky and stand upright? Do you know what’s going to happen when she snaps backward? It is NOT going to be a pretty sight!

You guys take a big net, and be prepared to run after her when she starts going boing boing boing down the runway - if she bounces out the door, we’ll NEVER catch her!

Related: No! Haven’t you ever seen velvet art?

A model presents a creation by French designer Jean-Paul Gaultier as part of his Autumn/Winter 2008-2009 Haute Couture fashion show in Paris July 2, 2008. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

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Maybe I just don’t get out enough, but here’s something I’ve never seen before. Open air confessions. It seems they are common in some countries.

If I had saved up a bunch of sins and finally decided to get them off my chest, I’d be irked to find myself on sort of a late-night talk show stage. Especially outside, where lightning could strike the minute I open my mouth. Not that it would.

“Hey Earl, isn’t that your wife over there talkin’ to the priest? Boy, her voice really carries, doesn’t it? Whoa! Hey, what’s your neighbor’s name? That real handsome guy?”

Related post: This is fun, you must confess!

Belarussians attend confession at a Catholic church during the annual Icon of the Mother of God festival in the village of Budslav, Belarus, July 1, 2008. REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko

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Regular readers know this is my favorite time of year, when the big designers let us see what well-dressed police decoys will be wearing soon.

It’s getting harder to attract savvy criminals into situations where they will rob somebody so police can swoop down on them, which is why this week’s Paris Decoy Show is so impressive. This is the perfect decoy ensemble. It says, “Boy this bag of gold doubloons is heavy!” as well as “What was my name again?”

I have to say this is the best batch of decoy duds since… You know, you’ll have to excuse me. I think I’m going to go rob this guy myself!

Related posts: “Hey Boss! Check out the milksop!”

A model presents a creation by Israeli-American designer Alber Elbaz for fashion house Lanvin as part of his Spring/Summer 2009 men’s fashion collection during Paris fashion week, June 29, 2008.  REUTERS/Gonzalo Fuentes

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Blog Guy, my sister visited Washington D.C. and came home with a really goofy shot of a guy she claims is President George Bush. I want you to have a look and tell me if it’s real.

Oh please, don’t be so gullible. That’s Herbie! He’s a regular fixture around town. I admit he does a fair Bush imitation, but then he gives it away by mugging and clowning around.

I have lots of pictures of myself with Herbie. If you want to pose with him, just come to the tourist gate at the White House. You’re sure to see him. Remember to give him a nice tip. After all, Herbie pays $4.10 a gallon for gas, just like you do.

More about George Bush

President George W. Bush (R) reacts to fans after a Tee Ball game on the South Lawn at the White House in Washington, June 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

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