It seems someone is playing a big practical joke on Barack Obama.

A few weeks ago, the American Kennel Club began a national poll where people could vote on what breed of dog Obama should get for his daughters. So 42,000 people voted, and the winner was the POODLE!

Excuse me? Do you want to see your President walking along behind a dog like this with a pooper scooper? Plus, in the famous Dogs Playing Poker series of genuine artwork, the poodles are just observers. What kind of signal is that?

I said at the time in a post called Please look at me, Senator, and I still say, the classiest thing Obama could do is give a mutt from a shelter or a dog from a rescue breed organization a deserving  home. That’s a GREAT message, and it sure beats carrying some fluffy thing named Babette up the Air Force One ramp for the next four years.

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above: Dogs Playing Poker

below: Handler runs with poodle after winning the non-sporting group at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York, February 11, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

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Blog Guy, I can’t believe what’s happening to the price of all the necessities! Is there ANY good economic news out there?

Sure. It turns out the price of rat meat has sky-rocketed in the past year.

I don’t see how that’s good news.

Well, the price of premium rat meat is up, but you don’t want to buy any, so you’re immune to that increase. We economists call that “good” news. It’s having an impact over there in Asia. Did you know Cambodia supplies a ton of live rats a day to Vietnam?

Wow! How many live rats are there  in a ton?

It depends. I guess it could just be one really, really, really big one.

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above: Rat meat dish at a Taiwan restaurant in 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Nicky Loh

below: Man eats roasted rat in Cambodia in 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Chor Sokunthea

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Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet for me and my friends? Who is the best-looking guy in the world today?

Women tell me it’s George Clooney, for sure.

Cool. Then what can other guys do to look more like him?

Well, the main thing is the suit. A dude like that spends four, maybe five hundred bucks on a single suit, so of course he’s going to look great. Oh. And wear a tie, too.

A nice suit and tie? That’s his secret?

Pretty much, but to really clinch the deal, you should tape this picture of Clooney next to your bathroom mirror and practice looking like him. You know, do funny stuff with your eyes, make a Hollywood smile… In no time, women will start thinking you’re him, just like they do with me.

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Actor George Clooney arrives for a charity dinner in Venice, Italy, August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Max Rossi

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Readers come to this blog for the very latest in diet and beauty news, and it’s time again for Diet and Beauty Fair 2008, in Tokyo.

This year, the trend is very much to treat humans like food. For instance, there is this blue room, the “Salt Studio,” which uses salt tiles, high temperatures and humidity.

Yes, that does indeed sound pretty much like the process for curing country hams and slab bacon. For smooth skin that resembles a big old pork chop, you can’t beat it.

Then there is this white capsule gizmo which supposedly offers LED light, aroma, vibrating mattress, high density oxygen and healing music. Fair enough, but if you look closely it resembles a human panini grill. I believe your main decision every day is what kind of cheese you want melted into your flesh.

More new Diet and Beauty Fair stuff tomorrow, including the George Foreman Human Tenderizer and the Gourmet Griddle O’ Death.

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above: A “Salt Studio,” which uses hexagon-shaped natural salt tiles, high temperatures and humidity.

below:woman reclines inside “Alpha LED light-spa” at the Diet and Beauty Fair 2008, August 25, 2008.  The spa is a relaxation capsule which provides treatments such as LED light, aroma and high density oxygen.

REUTERS photos by Yuriko Nakao

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Blog Guy, I love looking at pictures on news sites, and I’m thinking of maybe trying to break into photojournalism. I know it’s complicated, but what makes a really good news photo?        

Handshakes. Anytime you’re lucky enough to be there when two people are shaking hands, that’s what folks really want to see.

Really? Because I would have thought maybe great instants in sports, or dramatic shots that record the human condition, or tragic war photos, or…

Are you stupid? Everybody prefers the old grip and grin. Just look at the shots that win big prizes year after year. Handshakes and more handshakes.

This is so surprising! Not to doubt you or anything, but specifically who likes them?

Specifically, the people in the photographs.

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Lots of people shake hands with lots of other people. REUTERS photos

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Blog Guy, you’ve been filling us in on the Olympics sports that nobody else covers. Tell us more!

There’s hot competition today for the Freakishly Grotesque Face event, as you can see in these training camp photos.

Wow, they’re hideous! How do they practice for an event like that?

Various ways. Some eat Brussels sprouts, some listen to Barry Manilow music. I know one who drinks Diet Dr Pepper for a face straight out of hell.

Ah, that makes sense. Who judges the event?

A panel of small children is forced to watch. The face that makes them scream and cry the loudest…

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Melissa Wu, REUTERS photo by Jason Reed

Dylan Armstrong, REUTERS photo by Ruben Sprich

Tony Jeffries, REUTERS photo by Lee Jae-Won

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Okay folks, this new Pepsi ad campaign is gonna make history! I see a kind of slice-of-life commercial, where some big-name spokesman goes into a diner and talks to people about thirst-quenching goodness.

He says, you know, something like, “Is it hot enough for you folks? On a day like this, nothing beats the refreshing taste of an ice-cold Pepsi!

Then the woman says, “I love Pepsi from a bottle, but does it come any other way?”

And then the spokesman says, “YES, WE have a CAN!”

Now, who can we get for an ad like that?

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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama speaks to patrons during a campaign stop at Longstreet Deli in Petersburg, Virginia, August 21, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Memo to design staff: In looking for new demographics for our haute couture, I have exciting news. This fall we’re going after the zombie market!

I know you’re saying, “But Bob, aren’t they kind of creepy?” Well, maybe, but our market research shows that zombies have lots of disposable income. They don’t have to pay for their food because, um, you know what they eat. And they don’t have to pay $4.00 a gallon for gasoline, because they just lurch around for free.

Best of all, we don’t have to create outfits in a whole bunch of different colors. Zombies pretty much stick to basic black and white, kind of like the Amish. NOTE TO SELF: see if there’s an overlapping Amish-zombie market!

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Models display creations from Argentine designer Pablo Ramirez during Buenos Aires Fashion Week, August 20, 2008. REUTERS/Enrique Marcarian

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Hey Blog Guy, sometimes you offer helpful guidelines for people who want to know if they may have chosen the wrong career. Keep them coming!  

Sure. Here’s one litmus test. If you find yourself with a tube of glue in one hand and a live rattlesnake in the other, it may be time to put rabid bats in your guidance counselor’s car.

The reason this comes to mind is, I saw photos of this guy gluing radio transmitters to rattlesnakes in hopes of learning why so many of them get run over on highways.

Apparently the thinking is - and I do see some flaws here - that given a chance to reach a drive-time radio audience, snakes will broadcast stuff like, “Well, here comes a Porsche 911 going about 110 mph, so I’m going to slither on across Route 27 and ttthhhhhhhpppppp!!!!!”

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Adam Martinson, from the University of Calgary, glues a radio transmitter onto the back of a prairie rattlesnake in Dinosaur Provincial Park, Alberta, on August 7, 2008. Martinson has come to study why snakes slither onto - and too frequently die on - the asphalt blacktop of the region’s roads. REUTERS/ Todd Korol

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Welcome to another installment of Haven’t These Guys Ever Seen a Movie Before?

From Nepal comes a Reuters story about a bunch of mountain climbers heading off on a trek  to find the Abominable Snowman, or Yeti. Pathetically, they’re equipped with cameras and telescopes, instead of, you know, flame-throwers and hand grenades.

One of the climbers says - and I’m not making this up - “I want to shake hands if I meet him.”

Yeah. Right. I’m afraid I know where his telescope is going to end up, and it’s way too dark to see anything in there.

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above: Movie poster

below: Models pose with Skoda’s new “Yeti” car in 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Alex Grimm

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