Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Out of the frying pan and into the fryer…

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Blog Guy, I can’t wait any longer! Has the Williams-Sonoma December catalog arrived yet? I need to get ready for the big holidays!

Yes, and naturally I was drawn to page 120, the Breville Deep Fryer, $149.95. That’s what I want for holiday entertaining, right? I mean, what says, I care about my family’s health better than immersing their food in oil? Especially with those recent studies showing we all need to raise our cholesterol levels.

Um, Blog Guy, you are just being sarcastic here, right? Sometimes I can’t tell.

Yes, of course. Try to keep up.

But if I DO want a deep fryer, this is the one to get, right?

No, I’m afraid this is the one for sissies. The one you want is on the Williams-Sonoma Website, the Timber Ridge Backyard Host Deep Fryer, just $699.95.

$2,250? You’re off your trolley!

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Blog Guy, has your Thanksgiving Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived yet? I can’t wait to see what expensive specialty gadgets we need to help us prepare the most traditional meal of all.

Indeed it did arrive, but I confess I stopped at the massive holiday cocktail section and got no further.

I’ve ALWAYS wanted whatever this is!

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Blog Guy, anything new for us from Williams-Sonoma? I’m starting my Christmas shopping early this year.

You know, I think I pick on them too much. I mean, those folks are just trying to make a living with their $2,399.95 espresso machine, to choose an item at random from the new catalog.

Whack it with a hammer, dude, I’m hungry!

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Blog Guy, you haven’t shared any of those fancy Williams-Sonoma items recently, the ones for foodies with too much money. Don’t they have a new catalog out?

They do indeed, and I recommend you try making their clay chicken.

Clay chicken? Isn’t the phrase CLAY PIGEON?

Nope, this is something they call a “fun and easy way to cook chicken.” It involves two chickens and nine pounds of clay, which hardens around the meat during the process. Then, when you’re ready to serve it, you slam it with a big mallet to crack the clay open.

I’ll have the Satan Sandwich, sugar-coated!

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Blog Guy, I know you keep up with food trends, and I saw mention of a mouth-watering treat while reading all the stories about the debt crisis…

I’ll bet you’re talking about the chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus, who called the debt deal a “sugar-coated Satan sandwich.”

Presenting the Caribou Smoker Royale!

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Blog Guy, you’ve been very good about helping us find solutions to those tough household chores in the past, and I have some more questions.

Gosh, all I ever really do is point you in the direction of expensive Williams-Sonoma gadgets.

Why is there garlic on our ceiling, Honey?

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Hey Blog Guy, I know you love to cook and sometimes share culinary secrets.

Do you have a good recipe for homemade pesto? It’s the BEST sauce with fresh linguine!

I spoke to an Italian chef, and I think I can help you out. You’ll need a butt-load of fresh basil, some parmesan, pine nuts, garlic and olive oil. I’m going to make a trial batch in my own kitchen while I write this.

For the foodie who has everything…

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Blog Guy, I have a cooking question. How do you handle the pesky chore of skinning your snakes?

It’s easy, with the Williams-Sonoma Deluxe Snake Skinner, $4,299.99. I recommend the outdoor model.

Shermanize me another burger, honey!

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Blog Guy, I’ve been a real fan of Williams-Sonoma, that shop for pretentious foodies, ever since I first read about it here. Is their Summer Cookout Catalog out yet?

Yes, and it’s fabulous! I recommend this item at the top, the Deluxe Outdoor Guacamole Maker, $299.99. You can serve up perfect fresh guacamole, while your guests watch with envy!

Dry your geckos perfectly, every time!

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Blog Guy, I know you’re a serious foodie, and I have a kitchen appliance question.

Sure. Williams-Sonoma, about $200.00.

Excuse me? I didn’t even ask the question yet.

INDONESIAIt doesn’t matter. Just go to their Website and you’ll find an expensive electrical appliance for every job you have in the kitchen.