Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Nine things I’ll miss most about this blog

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Let’s get the sad news out of the way first.

After an exhilarating five-year run, this blog is ending its run here. Websites change, and take new directions.

The slightly better news is that we have a couple of weeks until my final post, so let’s have fun.

I’ve enjoyed everything about creating and writing Oddly Enough. My advice is, if somebody offers to pay you to be a sarcastic smartass, take the job. Especially if it includes dental insurance.

Some of the things I will miss most…

9. The Photos: The Reuters photo file is a grand candy store. It has been a treat to look through it daily, searching for goofy gems in a sea of serious images. I’m sure it’s fair to say many of the shots in my blog don’t get used anyplace else. Indeed, it was the richness of our photo archive that inspired the blog’s fabled Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, which will be a runaway success if it ever opens.

Hang on, this isn’t Yangon?

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Blog Guy, I read that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is visiting Myanmar. That’s amazing! Have you been there?

Not to Myanmar, but I was there when they called it Burma.

Oh. Were you in Yangon?

Yes, but they called it Rangoon then.

But it’s the same city, right, the capital?

Rangoon was the capital when I was there, but now the capital is Naypyitaw.

I’m totally confused. Rangoon became Yangon which became Naypyitaw?

No, Yangon is still Yangon, it’s just not the capital any longer.

This is too bizarre. Can you at least confirm that Clinton made it out of the airport safely?

Playing Pachelbel’s Cannon at my funeral?

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Blog Guy, not to bring up a depressing topic, but have you made plans for what will be done with your body when you die?

I’m arranging that now, thanks to several readers who sent me info about a company called Holy Smoke. They put your cremated ashes into shotgun shells or rifle cartridges, so your friends can shoot you off. Even in death, you can be helping to kill some poor creature.

When animals know all our secrets…

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Blog Guy, my tax guy’s taxidermist told me something really creepy. He has close ties to the animal kingdom.

You mean from stuffing and mounting them?

Yeah. And he said animals are spying on humans, building up huge dossiers. He says ducks are the worst.

Eating healthy for peanuts?

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Blog Guy, so we’ve established that you lost some weight recently. I found your health tips helpful, but could you be more specific about what you ate?

Sure. I ate everything with a pulse.

So you went on an all-meat diet?

No, no, I mean pulse as in the edible seeds of certain legumes. Peas, beans, lentils, peanuts. VERY healthful stuff.

What’s in your artisanal arsenel?

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Blog Guy, I’m confused. Suddenly I’m seeing the words “artisan” and “artisanal” attached to all kinds of products. Cheeses, chocolates, liquors, soaps… What does it all mean?

That’s easy. It means they can get by with charging a lot more money for that stuff.

How the masses found Manassas…

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Blog Guy, I am really pumped about the Civil War 150th anniversary stuff coming up. Aren’t you?

You bet. I went to the Manassas reenactment over the weekend, and loved it! What I saw was First Manassas, as opposed to Second Manassas, which happened a year later.

So you think you’re a tuft guy, huh?

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Blog Guy, I need your help with redecorating our dining room.

We want something really new. You know, something dinner guests will remember.

I hear you. Get yourself down to a store called The Seat of Power and ask to see their dictator-themed dining room ensemble. It’s called the Martinet Set.

Martinet? Is that like Raisinette?

Not really.  Martinets are authoritarians, and you can get a collection of dining room chairs representing famous strongmen. Hitler, Stalin, Saddam Hussein…

Stoke the boiler, boys, we’re baling basil!

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Blog Guy, what’s the latest on your brother, Basil? We know he used to be an expat export expert, and the last we heard, he was playing mandolin in Mandalay.

Oh, Basil left the folk music scene. Now he operates heavy farm equipment. He owns a baler in Switzerland.

Putting in a good word for good words

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Most of us have favorite words, and it is a very personal choice. We enjoy the images they evoke and the sound that they make.

I remember hearing that someone’s favorite word was marmalade. Damn, that is one fine word. It brings to mind color, taste, aroma and sweet childhood summers.