Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

In words of one syllable, you’re nuts…

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CHINA/

Blog Guy, my doctor sent me to you for some career advice. I need a job that works with some, uh, small quirks I have.

Quirks? Well, your timing is good. I was just thumbing through a glossy brochure called “Your Future in Hippopotamus Hygiene.”

CHINA/That’s not a good fit for me.

Really? You get to work over at the Hippodrome, take the Hippocratic Oath and spend time around hippopotamuses…

Stop with the long hippo words! My shrink said you don’t use any scary big words in your blog. He was wrong! SIX YEARS of therapy, down the drain!

Not another polish joke!

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polish this 490

Get your butt in my office right now, Lamar! What’s going on out there? The fashion show starts in 30 minutes!

RUSSIA/Boss! You told me to make sure all the girls had bikini waxes. I bought a whole case of Kiwi wax and some rollers. We got oxblood, dark brown, black….

Her name was Lola, ate Gorgonzola…

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Hola, Blog Guy! It’s me, Lola! I’m a long-time listener, first-time caller.

Hola, Lola! Welcome to the show. What’s on your mind?

MUSIC-TRAIN-COKEMany of us senior citizens on Social Security just found out we’re not getting a COLA – Cost of Living Adjustment – this year!

I need to use the long-necked birds’ room

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GERMANY/

Blog Guy, I’m a big fan of actor Matt Damon. He’s just great in everything, and so cute. What’s he like in real life?

USA/He’s a wild man. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but when he’s on location shooting his movies he spends his off hours with every hussy, floozy, doxy and trollop he can find.

All aboard for the Stupidville Express!

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MONACO/

Blog Guy, do you have siblings?

I have a brother, Basil. He works overseas, as an exporter.

USA-OBAMA/Basil Basler? Is he good at exporting?

Are you kidding? Basil’s an export expert!

Does he have a good life?

For sure. He’s an expatriate! He’s an expat export expert and his company is expanding, sparing no expense!

Basil doesn’t feel exposed or exploited?

Exposed? Exploited? Hardly. Exporting is exploding!

Thanks for explaining. So he’s staying unless he’s expelled?

No, he’s returning home. His wife’s expecting.

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EXPENSIVE luxury boats are seen in Monte Carlo port during the Monaco Yacht show, September 22, 2010. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Was Dr. Seuss in Belarus?

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FASHION-BELARUS/

Blog Guy, I’m a young woman in my first year of college. I should be pulling all-nighters to study for my mid-terms, but I keep falling asleep.

FASHION-BELARUS/You need professional help staying awake, I suggest you go to Belarus. See a designer named Ludmila Labkova. She can tie your hair so tight it’s impossible to close your eyes.

If the shoe fits, hang it…

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Blog Guy, I’m a woman in need of advice. I spend 82 percent of my income on new shoes, so naturally the old ones pile up quickly. I hate to just throw out all my pumps. How can I put them to good use?

art shoes 490

Many women put their old shoes in picture frames and hang them on the wall. It’s very colorful. This one is in an actual art museum.

It’s a regular Hu’s Who, Blog Guy!

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Hey, Blog Guy, I’ve been looking at your photo file. You just had a shot of China’s President Hu Jintao, in Shenzhen.

Who?

Yes, Hu! He was near Macau, where that snooker player is from.

ws howe 220What?

That’s him! Si Tau Chong Wut. And while Hu was in Shenzhen, China’s premier was in Tianjin.

Bring me that one, the SAUCY wench!

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JAPAN/

Blog Guy, I have a problem. I love giving dinner parties, but I don’t have enough storage space in my kitchen for all of my pots and pans and cooking utensils. What should I do?

JAPAN/You’re in luck. There was just a fashion show that addressed this very need, for chefs who are under your kind of, uh, strain.

So I say ‘Hu’s on first?’ and then you say…

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sarkozy-hands-200.jpgBlog Guy, I read your post about the G8 Summit yesterday. I heard that two of the leaders did a famous comedy routine. Could that be true?

Sort of. President Bush tried to teach a variation of the famous Abbott and Costello ”Who’s on first?” sketch to China’s President Hu. But when they did the bit live, Bush asked, ”Who’s on first?” and Hu just said “I am?” It went downhill from there.