Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Stake Night on the Vampire Cruise?
Blog Guy, I know you’re a travel expert, and I need some advice. I am a vampire. I would like to go someplace where I don’t feel, you know, different.
Maybe I can help. I just saw a story saying hundreds of vampire enthusiasts are planning a vacation cruise on the the Zuiderdam, tailored to their interests. It’s called “Vamps at Sea.” Maybe you should try it.
Where are they going?
Just where you’d expect for vampires. Great Neck, Little Neck, Throg’s Neck, Turtleneck…
Perhaps you’re still not clear, Blog Guy. Those are “vampire enthusiasts.” I am an actual vampire.
Scottish zombies get silly in Philly?
Blog Guy, I saw a bunch of photos of a zombie movie being made, with Brad Pitt, and it looked like it was in Philadelphia.
So?
But I live in Philly, and I haven’t seen any film activity here. What’s up?
Look, Honey, a free vacation cruise!
We may have hit the acme of absurdity. We should plant our flag and turn back.
Let me explain. I work at home, and I am interrupted daily by automated calls trying to fool me in some way. I don’t believe it should be legal to intrude on privacy like this, but I don’t make the laws.
Last week, I answered a robotic call and heard, “Congratulations! This household has been selected to receive an absolutely free vacation cruise! Press one for more information, or two to be taken off the list.”
The unpaid working for the undead?
Blog Guy, I really want to get into the movie business. Can you help me out?
I suppose I can pull a few strings and get you an unpaid production assistant job on “World War Z,” that new zombie movie starring Brad Pitt.
Wow! I would get to be Brad Pitt’s assistant?
Slow down, Speedy! No, you get to assist the zombies. Stack them in a truck, drive them from scene to scene, use a pitchfork to put them where they belong, and so on.
Darn, I’d forget my blouse if it wasn’t…
Lamar, did you manage to get us some more cut-rate models for the fashion show? I know you’ve saved money in the past by using the criminally insane, the extremely sullen, zombies….
This time I have a real good feeling, boss. My shrink gave me some names of women in his Forgetful and Absent-Minded Therapy Group, and they look pretty presentable.
A great year to be alive, or at least undead
Blog Guy, is it just me, or did you write a lot more about zombies this year than you have in the past?
You bet I did. If you have to be a lurching, undead brain-eater, 2010 was a good year for it.
Who gets more publicity than zombies?
Okay Lamar, you’ve had weeks to work on a plan to promote our new AMC television series about zombies, “The Walking Dead.” It premieres on Sunday, so what do you have?
Great stuff, Boss! We’re sending zombies out to 26 cities around the world, see, to walk around the streets and get publicity for our show. What do you think?
Ya think she might be nuts, Lamar?
So wait a minute, Lamar. Tell me again how you know this chick who’s coming here to the bar?
I haven’t actually met her, Lonnie, but she sounds very hot.
And she’s a real model?
You bet. She just modeled at Paris Fashion Week. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Zombie nun scares poor little doggie!
Blog Guy, you went too far in your blog a couple of weeks ago when you implied that people in Spain aren’t happy unless they are “killing, maiming, torturing or frightening poor animals.”
Let me get this straight. You had to go back two whole weeks to catch me going too far? I must be slipping.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary…
It turns out the folks who regulate ads over in Britain have banned one showing Queen Mary I as a flesh-eating zombie, after complaints that it frightened children.
Now, I’m all for not giving nightmares to our children any sooner than we have to, like for example when I had to explain truthfully to my son who Richard Nixon was.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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