Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The latest ingenews from Cannes!

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Blog Guy, are you covering that big-deal Cannes Film Festival that’s going on now?

zombie cannes 2 240Sure, if  by “covering” you mean sitting 3,000 miles away from it and looking at our photos and making stuff up, then you bet I am!

I especially like reading about all the young ingenues, desperate for their big break.

Well, you can get all your “ ingenews” right here. I know they seem glamorous, but many of those young actresses make “ingenuisances” of themselves.

Here they are, undead and untanned….

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Blog Guy, can you settle a bet I have with the guy who does grout work in my grandma’s shower?

Of course. Bet-Settlers R Us. That’s what we do here.

GEORGIA/For a minute there you sounded almost sarcastic, Blog Guy. Anyhow, the grout guy says you can raise the dead by putting number 45 sunblock on them.

Zombie models, undead and unamused

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Okay, fashion show staff, as you know we’ve been struggling for some time with the problem of models showing too much emotion when they’re out on the runway.

fashion zombies 260Sure, an occasional pout or contemptuous sneer or obnoxious smirk can have its place, but our new clothing line is heading more in the direction of no emotion whatsoever.

Gym zombies on the prowl! Is YOUR brain safe?

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Blog Guy, I suspect that the trainer at my health club is a zombie. Is that possible?

Yeah, the pervasive presence of so-called gym zombies is becoming a real problem.

Shopping for droppings WHERE?

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Blog Guy, I enjoyed your item about the festering zombie skankfest. but you didn’t include the most important information. Where can I get ME some outfits like those?

A couple of them were Vivienne Westwood originals. I’ve featured lots of her piles of steaming manure – I mean fashions – here in my blog.

It’s a festering skankfest of zombies, Clancy!

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Lamar, you mark my words, tonight is a turning point in our luck with the babes.

But it don’t make sense, Clancy. Why would professional models date guys like us?

Clinton adviser left in the lurch?

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Blog Guy, whatever happened to James Carville, that bald Cajun political adviser to Bill Clinton? You know, the guy who married that actress Marlee Matlin?

Actually, I think Carville married Mary Matalin, the Republican consultant.

Isn’t that what I said? So what’s Carville up to these days?

I think he’s a brain-eater now.

Excuse me? A brain WHAT?

It’s the darndest thing. I was looking at pictures of zombies at the Toronto Film Festival a couple of days ago, and I’m SURE I saw Carville among them.

They’re called the WHAT?

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Listen up, folks, let’s show everybody why we’re the best ad agency around. Now, we’ve been hired by this religious movement out of Bulgaria.

They’ve been around awhile, but they’re not well known, so they want us to promote their name a bit. Sounds like an easy one.

Don’t leave me in the lurch!

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Blog Guy, you know stuff going on around the world. I’m a zombie – where can a guy like me kick back and have some fun with other zombies?

Oooooh, sorry, bad timing. You just missed the zombie parade in Frankfurt. You could have met hundreds of German zombies, if that sounds like fun to you.

Hey handsome, what’s your hat size?

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Blog Guy, I have a deep-seated fear of zombies. Like I was at a party and I met a nice chick but she had a dazed look and she started asking personal brain-related questions and I got scared.

Brain-related questions?

You know, she was like, “Dude, that’s some cranium you got there! How much do you suppose your brain would weigh if it was freshly harvested?” Stuff like that.