Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Federal zombies; undead, but not unemployed

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard rumors that zombies have infiltrated our government. Could that be true?

I’m afraid so. Of course, they’ve been there all along at lower levels, working in Motor Vehicles offices, the IRS, that sort of thing.

But now they’re finding themselves in positions of real power, thanks to President Obama’s decision to have such a diverse cabinet and staff.

Wow! That’s awesome! Don’t  you think?

Well, it doesn’t make his job any easier, I can tell you that. He’s always looking over his shoulder, and sometimes catches people coming after him.

The brain in Spain goes well with fresh romaine…

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Blog Guy, you’re an astute political observer. Is President Barack Obama paying enough attention to the diverse groups that helped elect him?

He’s very conscious of them. For example, this weekend he addressed a zombie rally in Spain. You will recall that zombies voted overwhelmingly for Obama.

Undead, but not unfashionable

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fashion-baires-headshots-180.jpgMemo to design staff: In looking for new demographics for our haute couture, I have exciting news. This fall we’re going after the zombie market!

I know you’re saying, “But Bob, aren’t they kind of creepy?” Well, maybe, but our market research shows that zombies have lots of disposable income. They don’t have to pay for their food because, um, you know what they eat. And they don’t have to pay $4.00 a gallon for gasoline, because they just lurch around for free.

Zombie models leave fashion in the lurch…

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fashion-country-hair-160.jpgMemo to Fashion Show Staff: We’ve hit rock bottom now. This was the worst show ever!

Folks, what is RULE NUMBER ONE for fashion shows? No Zombies! So you not only hire zombie models, you even dress them in festive outfits and send them out! Oh, I’m sure nobody noticed, until that one lurched insanely toward the Vogue editor!

DON’T send in the clowns!

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Well, this study may pretty much changes everything. Strength is weakness, Brussels sprouts are chocolate… A poll of young hospital patients found that every one of them rejected the use of clowns as part of the decor, and even the teenagers in the study found clowns to be scary.

“We found that clowns are universally disliked by children,” one researcher said.

Zombies: undead or just unorganized?

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I’m afraid we’re going to have to award these guys the “Worst Organizers in the History of Earth” award.

See, it was an attempt to break the world’s record for the biggest zombie lurch, which apparently would have required about 900 of the living dead. But the scant 40 who actually showed up were, well, left in the lurch.

Zombie pride! We’re snuffed and we’re tough!

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You might think this could be any typical car on the New York City subway, but you’d be dead wrong.

In fact, this guy is celebrating Zombie Pride Day, in Madrid. That’s right, Zombie Pride. We’re tired of the living getting all the breaks, and it’s time for the undead to get a little past-due recognition.