Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Armored combat for the golden prize…

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Blog Guy, everybody knows you’ve campaigned against bullfighting and other forms of animal cruelty. It’s safe to say that any event involving animal combat is inhumane, right?

Pretty much, yeah…

Pretty much? What does that mean?

Well, I must admit that now and then I fly over to Singapore to watch the Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights.

Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights?

Yeah, people gather around and two massive giant tortoises go after a carrot.

After about the first day and a half, most of the spectators have gone home and the rest are asleep in their seats. The bookies won’t touch the sport, because of the number of variables.

Too many variables?

No, none at all. The animals just tug until the carrot finally snaps. Then they share the pieces, have some watermelon for dessert and lumber off to watch pro wrestling. I can live with that.

See ya later, crocodile!

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Mr. Johnson, we’re here to apply for one of those “Zoo Performer” jobs you advertised. Can you tell us a little about what we’d have to do?

Sure thing, Chris. You stick your head in a crocodile’s mouth for the amusement of zoo visitors.

Where the wild things are?

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Okay, do I have to solve everybody’s problems all by myself?

We have a real news story saying more and more zoos are allowing visitors to spend the night, so they can learn “what happens when the gates slam shut, the sun goes down and the moon rises…”

Really? Again we are faced with schemes created by people who obviously have never seen real-life adventure movies such as “Jurassic Park” or “Snakes on a Plane.”

Did that damned tiger escape AGAIN?

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Blog Guy, I know you’ve been to other countries, and I have a question. Do their sports teams have mascots like ours do?

There are some, but I believe they are hunted down and shot, as you can see in the photo here. As a result, it is not a very popular career path.

And then, the Mama Grizzly said…

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Blog Guy, you set up a lot of fantasy shots for your readers, and we appreciate them. Maybe it’s time to share one of your own fantasies with us.

Well, since you mention it, this photo would be a great example of one of my ultimate fantasies.

It’s a jungle out there…

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GERMANY/

Johnson, get your butt into my office!

What did I do now, Boss? I thought I was improving as a news photographer.

GERMANY/You are! I see all of our clients used YOUR photos of new those tiger cubs at the zoo. It’s as if the competition didn’t even send anybody!

They did send a photographer, Boss. The tigers ate him. It was pretty gross.

And while this poor guy was being torn limb from limb, you just kept shooting the cute little cubs?