Stop him! He’s costing me a fortune!

Blog Guy, I need your opinion on a pop culture phenomenon.

Have you seen this video on YouTube showing a guy in a financial office looking at racy photos on his computer, not knowing he’s  live on television? It’s been seen by thousands of people now, and has a five-star rating…

Yeah, big deal. You can barely see that poor itty-bitty dude back there behind this talking head.

If you really squint it does look like he may be checking out a Victoria’s Secret model who might be nude, but I mean, who hasn’t been there?

Once upon a time, in a blog like this…

Blog Guy, it’s me. Goldilocks. All grown up. Out here on the slag pile where fairytale characters go when they’ve outlived their usefulness. Wrung out, discarded like old porridge…

Yeah, I get it. What are you doing in this sleazy dive? What happened to the three bears?

You can’t tell? They’re still with me. They’ll never leave. Baby Bear is now a grown-up chain-smoker with a gambling problem. All of us, wrung out, discarded, like…

Does this make me look super, or just fat?

Good morning, It’s my first time here in your shop. I’m a super-heroine, and I need an outfit.

Well, welcome to Super-Chicks R Us. What’s your chick’s shtick?

I’m flexible. I was  hoping you could help me choose.

Don’t slam the Dior on your way out…

Quick quiz: These solemn-faced people, including musician Kanye West, are staring at…

a) The Massachusetts election night results.

b) The scene where a hunter kills Bambi’s mother.

Her Majesty, the Queen of the World…

Blog guy, please settle an argument I’m having with my friend.

Is there such a thing as the Queen of the World? My friend says yes, but I say no.

Of course there is. No offense, but you’re obviously a cheese-eating bonehead.

Here is a photo of Her Highness out walking among the commoners.

I see you’ve been shopping in Paris, Lamar…

Dear Mr. Basler:

It’s me again, the actual attorney representing some men’s fashion designers. You will recall that my clients are outraged at the biased way you cover their industry, always making it appear their creations are not something regular guys would wear.

Yeah, I remember you. Last week you demanded that I run the last three men’s fashion pictures from our photo wire, which I did, and they were beyond hideous. What’s eating you now?

Mabel, Mabel, strong and able, your new skirt’s a coffee table!

Blog Guy, I  need some advice on personal finances.

Like many people these days, money is tight.

I need new furniture for my apartment, but being a young single chick, I also like to dress well and keep up with the latest fashions. I can’t have both, so which way should I go?

You CAN have both, honey! A growing number of fashion houses are branching out into home furnishings, so you can enjoy your living room at home, and wear it when you go out.

Revenge of the designers from Hell

Dear Mr. Basler,

I am an actual attorney representing several men’s fashion designers.

My clients are very offended by your frequent blog posts implying that the creative designs presented at major fashion shows are somehow goofy or stupid or psychotic.

Fashion models add insult to injury…

Lonnie, we have to talk. People have been losing interest in our runway shows lately, and I think I know why. Do you know why people come to fashion shows?

Sure, Boss. To see the hot new clothes for the next season?

No! They come to be insulted. They want us to treat them like utter crap, so they can leave feeling totally degraded, and we haven’t been giving them enough of that.

Hats! They’re back, and they’re real stupid!

Hey Blog Guy, I need fashion advice. I’m a regular-looking dude, and I’d like to find a way to make myself look more dopey. You know, so nobody will take me seriously.

Hmmm. Let me get this straight. You want people to take one look at you and say, “Holy crap, what’s wrong with that pathetic doofus?”