Readers know that while I often blog about stupid fashions, all I want to do is laugh at them. If you actually come here to LEARN something about fashion, boy are you in the wrong place.

Where you should probably be instead is at “Daddy Likey,” by a blogger named Winona Dimeo-Ediger, who is informative AND cracks me up.

You have to admire a fashion author/blogger who says, “My life’s dream is to be a train conductor. Mostly for the hat.”

Now, in addition to Winona’s blog  you can buy her new brand-new book, “Closet Confidential.” It’s very funny and offers all you need to know if you want to dress like a chick, or even if, like me, you don’t,

I sent Winona a couple of genuine fashion photos, below, as sort of a test of her taste, and here is her response:

Left: Designers this season warned models to stay home if they showed symptoms of the H1N1 virus, but apparently the Black Death is not a problem.

Right: Kathie Lee Gifford’s new collection for Wal-Mart, Sassy Arabian Pocahontas Sportswear, has been called “a bit muddled” by the fashion press…

Interestingly enough, it turns out Winona herself owns the exact outfit on the right, and often wears it for days at a time. I guess nobody’s perfect.

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Left: Model presents a creation by British designer Vivienne Westwood at the Fashionable Istanbul show in Istanbul, October 25, 2009. REUTERS/Murad Sezer

Right: Model presents a creation by Ukrainian designer Natali Bolgar during Moscow Fashion Week, October 25, 2009. REUTERS/ Alexander Natruskin

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Blog Guy, don’t get me wrong. I love the fact that you post fresh stuff on Saturdays and Sundays, and I enjoyed learning about balloon animal makers and naked hokey pokey this weekend.

Thanks. But?

Well, I thought maybe if you used a few more gratuitous photos from the big Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York it might artificially pump up your weekend numbers. I know it’s a cheap trick, but times are hard.

Indeed. I take your point, stranger. Three fresh photos from the big show, and I’ll throw in tags like lingerie and models and fashion and stuff like that. Thanks for the suggestion!

Um, Blog Guy, this isn’t exactly what I had in… oh, never mind….

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Left: Actor Kyle MacLauglin arrives for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York, November 19, 2009.

Center: Actor Jeremy Sisto arrives for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

Right: Sir Richard Branson, founder and president of Britain’s Virgin Group, arrives for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

REUTERS photos by Carlo Allegri

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Okay, this is the point we’ve come to in America.

We are told in a bunch of captions that this is a $3 million bra, but we are given no clue as to why it costs at least two and a half million dollars more than a regular bra.

Here are some possible reasons for that price tag, but these are only wild guesses…

• The model comes with it?
• It’s made from real t-bone steak?
• All proceeds from the sale go to fight Lupus?
• It’s half of an outfit worn by Lee Majors in a very special episode of The Six Million Dollar Man?

Victoria’s Secret slideshow

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Above: Model Marisa Miller presents a $3 million bra during the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York, November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Right: Model Marisa Miller poses with the $3 million dollar bra, November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

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Well fashion fans, it won’t be long now. It’s the evening of the big Victoria’s Secret annual holiday fashion show. I mean, most of YOU won’t see it today, because it won’t be aired for a couple of weeks, but we’ll have lots of still photos for you and if you flip through them real fast, it’s just like being there.

Meanwhile, the models have to finish getting prepared for the show.

Here, one of them is seen loading up on the six and a half calories she gets every day. I can’t quite tell what this slop is, but it’s not fried onion rings and doughnuts, I’ll tell you that.

If you look at the bottom edge of her plate, it looks as though she has scooted some kind of bean away from the rest of the food. No telling what kind of damage a bean can do.

Or maybe it’s just that she can’t quite lift it to her mouth.

Come back tomorrow, for full coverage.

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Model Caroline Winberg eats backstage at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York November 19, 2009. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

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Blog Guy, is it true that New York City has been invaded by Amazonian Queens from another planet?

Yes. We have photos of them. It appears they have never seen Earthlings before.

How tall are they?

About nine feet, wearing 10-inch stilettos.

Gosh, what’s your take on them?

I’m afraid. Very afraid. Sure, judging from the photos they seem easily amused, but they are capable of hiding their deeper thoughts behind vapid facades.

Rumors are spreading rapidly that they plan to take 100 human males back to their planet to breed with them.

Yikes! That must be causing mass panic and chaos in New York!

For sure. The line for volunteers already goes from Times Square up to The Bronx, and it’s expected to reach Boston by tonight.

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Above: A tourist poses next to Victoria’s Secret models following their appearance in New York’s Times Square to celebrate the return of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show to New York, November 18, 2009.

Middle: Victoria’s Secret models Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (L) and Izabel Goulart (R) pose in Times Square.

Below: Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsoloo poses in Times Square.

REUTERS photos by Brendan McDermid

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Blog Guy, I know you’re always making fun of bizarre fashion show outfits, but they can’t ALL be that bad. Is it fair for you to only show a designer’s strangest creations?

I guess you’re right. A few days ago I got a lot of traffic, and comments, on a post showing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal, which featured a model wearing only shoes and trousers.

I heard from the designer himself, who thanked me for showing his design and shared some of his other stuff with me.

As you can see in this combo shot above, Tayyab doesn’t ONLY create men’s clothes for The Shirtless Look.

For instance, there’s also the Red Vest and No Shirt Look. Close your eyes and picture Art Carney on “The Honeymooners.” “Hey there, Ralphie boy!”

Then there is this OTHER thing, sort of a half-shirt with straps. Tayyab tells me it’s supposed to represent the hardships of the Pakistani Army in war zones.

Now, that makes perfect sense to me. If I wore that thing in a war zone - or  heck, even to buy a Big Gulp down at my neighborhood 7-Eleven - I guess I’d expect hardships as well.

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Bottom: A model takes to the catwalk wearing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal during Fashion Pakistan Week in Karachi on November 7, 2009. REUTERS/Adrees Latif

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Okay fashion staff, welcome to the future. This is our first test of a bold and radical new process for designing women’s clothing.

As you know, we fed tons of raw data about MEN into a massive new software program, and told the computer to design the perfect creation to appeal to the largest possible number of males.

We fed in detailed data on age, income, location, politics, religion, marital status, hobbies, personal values - you name it - and then punched the big red “CREATE” button.

After three crashes and reboots, here’s the first thing the computer gave us: a trashy-looking floozy with a cheap bleach job, wearing a short dress with several hundred beer bottles hanging from it.

YES! The rest is history - we’ve pre-sold 20 million of these dresses through this blog, and we haven’t even started making them yet! Is life great, or what?

Lamar, how are you coming with the prototype of that second item, the Swiss Cheese and Lunch Meat Blouse?

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A model presents a creation by Portuguese designer Vitor during the Lisbon Fashion Week in Cascais October 10, 2009. Reuters/Hugo Correia

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Blog Guy, my girlfriend gave me a gift certificate for my birthday, and I’m treating myself to some nice new duds. I wanna be right up there with the latest fashions. What should I get?

That’s simple. Shop around for a nice shirt, and then don’t buy it and don’t wear it. Just go out shirtless.

No shirt? You don’t understand. My neighborhood Applebee’s won’t let me through the door without a shirt.

They’ll have to. Just show them this picture from a fashion show a couple of days ago. It’s 2009, baby! If you’re wearing trousers and shoes, that’s enough.

Amazing. And the chicks are okay with this look?

Well, they don’t seem too upset in this runway photo. Look, one woman has actually lost her mind and started to clap, like she’s at some fricking Chippendales revue. She seems a little too easy to entertain, if you ask me.

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A model takes to the catwalk wearing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal during Fashion Pakistan Week in Karachi on November 7, 2009. REUTERS/Adrees Latif

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Here you go, Bob, a nice martini. Very dry, three olives, just how you like it.

What do yo think of the house? Yeah, I love these huge old Gothic places. You found the bathroom okay?

What? You went UPSTAIRS? No, that’s fine, but… Look Bob, did you notice a large reinforced metal door with four deadbolts on it?

Ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…

Uh-oh. Bob, this is real important. You didn’t undo those bolts, did you?

Ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…ka-thump…

Crap, Bob, I think you let my sister Hulga get loose.

I hear her scepter on the back stairway. Don’t even breathe, Bob. She can smell fear. I’ll get the tranquilizer gun.

That’s her! She isn’t like us, Bob. Obviously, she’s from Belgium!

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A model presents a creation by Chinese designer Mao Geping during China Fashion Week in Beijing, November 5, 2009. REUTERS/Grace Liang

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First, I want to thank all you doctors for coming to this Humiliation Committee meeting to discuss our problem today. I know it’s a Thursday, so you should be enjoying a four-day weekend, as usual.

But it has come to our attention that the good old-fashioned butt check - and you all know what that involves - just doesn’t seem as demeaning and degrading as it used to.

I don’t know, maybe the lubricant got too good and it’s over too quickly. Maybe guys are just getting used to it. Heck, maybe we’re making it too much fun.

Anyway, what the committee has come up with is, we’re now going to have a nurse take PHOTOS of the procedure, just to turn up the mortification a notch or two.

What? Herb, that’s a BRILLIANT improvement! Yes, we COULD shoot video of it and post it on YouTube!

So we’ll start next week. Hah! These poor saps don’t know DEMEANING of the word Humiliation yet! Get it? Demeaning? I swear, I should be doing stand-up!

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A man goes through a medical examination for the People’s Liberation Army in Hefei, Anhui province, November 1, 2009. REUTERS/Stringer

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