Fleet Street tucks into Onions with relish

May 8, 2009


We speculated here last week how Fleet Street’s finest headline writers would be sharpening their pencils in glee at the prospect of the splendidly named Graham Onions playing for the England cricket team.

True to form, Britain’s newspapers have gorged themselves in a veritable feeding frenzy after the Durham seamer marked his debut with five wickets in his debut test match at Lord’s on Thursday.

‘Raw Onions flavour of the day as West Indies collapse in tears’ chortled the Guardian’s effort while the Independent stuck to the lachrymose theme with ‘Onions gives West Indies five reasons to be tearful’.

Having failed so palpably to keep their powder dry with the gift horse of the Onions name, one wonders how they can possibly keep it up if the Durham seamer is regularly among the wickets.

‘Onions off to a sizzler’ roared the Daily Mail, picturing the bowler prostrate on the Lord’s track after his fourth wicket.

Bottom marks went, surprisingly, to the Sun for their rather nonsensical ‘String of Onions’ adding the technically incorrect ‘5 in the Onion bag’ on its back page for good measure. What happened to the glory days of ‘It’s Paddy Pantsdown!’.

As ever, simplicity rules the day in the headline-writing masterclass. The Daily Telegraph kept it short and sweet and came up with the best of the day: ‘Cheers and Onions’.


PHOTO: England’s Graham Onions (C) celebrates the wicket of Denesh Ramdin at Lord’s, May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Philip Brown

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Is that last one what you’d call a crisp headline?

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