Tales from the Trail

Fashionistas prescribe tweezers for McCain, eye cream for Obama

October 29, 2008

In the wake her $150,000 wardrobe flap, Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has complained that male politicians largely escape the scrutiny that she undergoes from the fashion police.

Not so fast. The Grooming Lounge, a Georgetown hair salon that coiffs many of Washington’s most powerful players, has weighed in with beauty tips for the men in the race.

Here’s what they have to say.

Republican John McCain: Slather on some “self tanning product” to exude a healthy glow, and tweeze the eyebrows. “Our research shows that the last five elections have been won by the candidate with more well-trimmed eyebrows,” the Grooming Lounge says.

Democratic candidate Barack Obama: Use a cream to reduce the bags under the eyes, and wear shorts, not sweatpants, while playing basketball. “Sweats and hoops are on separate sides of the aisle,” they write.

Democratic vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden: whiten the teeth and get a haircut. “The presence of excessive fly-aways make him look less put together and too much off-the-cuff,” the salon says.

Todd Palin, “First Dude” of Alaska: Switch to a less-shiny hair gel and shave the goatee to ease concerns about wife Sarah’s maturity. “Such pre-meditated facial hair makes him look a tad collegiate, more youthful than needed and adversely affects Governor Palin’s attempts to seem more experienced,” they write.

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Sarah’s wardrobe “flap”? I think Sarah is just very creative. Look:

Sarah Palin, now worth $1.2 Million, created a new Republican “no-tax but spend & spread the wealth” model:

no taxes in Alaska (no sales tax, no income tax),hundreds of millions in “socialist welfare” (including thousand dollar checks to all),

including the “Bridge to Nowhere” (flip-flopping for it before she was against it!),

even hiring a D.C. lobbying firm to get millions while small-town mayor of Wasilla (pop. 7,000!),

paying for this “spreadin of the wealth” by boondoggling taxpayers from the “other 49” for hundreds of millions (“I spend, you pay!”)

and slyly covering her trail by babbling on about “government get out of my way” in the debate with Biden!

Sarah got creative with her wardrobe, too, spendin lavishly on herself, but was this a “flap”?:

$4,716.49 on hair and makeup just through September,

$22,800.00 on makeup Oct. 1-15,

$5,102.71 at Bloomingdale’s New York,

$9,447.71 at Macy’s in Minn.,

$49,425.74 at Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and NY

$75,062.63 in a whopping’spendin spree at Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis (doggone it, she’s goin upscale on us real fast!).

Then there’s $21,012. for her three daughters’ 64 one-way and 12 round-trip commercial flights (paid by the state of Alaska, admirably provin Palin’s credentials as an equal-opportunity biller)!

Republicans used to belittle former Sen. John Edwards’ $400 haircut, but compared to Palin, that’s chump change!

I think Sarah is actually tryin’ to creatively spend us out of this recession Bush got us into with his deregulation mantra.

Hey, wouldn’t Sarah, creative as she is, actually make a swell Pres.?

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