Italian men seek help to stop battering wives and partners

December 2, 2013

Alberto, a metalworker in his mid-thirties from a town in northern Italy, would sometimes get so furious arguing with his wife in the car that he would drive into a tree “just to shut her up”.

“When we argued I felt cornered, like I was about to lose everything,” he said in emailed comments to Thomson Reuters Foundation.

From the beginning of his 13-year-old relationship with his wife, Alberto, who did not want to give his full name, struggled to contain feelings of rage, usually ignited by a cross word or critical tone.

At the end of what he described as a “hellish summer” of verbal rows and physical violence towards his wife, Alberto decided to seek help last year. Not knowing where to find it, he turned to the Internet where he came across a group, “Uomini non più violenti Milano” (Men who are no longer violent).

The network of psychoanalysts, mental health workers, psychologists and volunteers offers therapy to men who are violent, or are afraid of becoming violent towards their wives, girlfriends and exes.

It has been active for more than a year and is part of Forum Lou Salomé, an association of female psychoanalysts which has been working on gender issues for over two decades.

“(We are trying to) address the situations of discomfort that drive a man’s violent behaviour,” said Chantal Podio, a psychoanalyst and one of the founders of “Uomini non piu violenti Milano”

Experts working in gender violence say there are only a few centres across Italy dedicated to helping violent men challenge and change their behaviour, and yet the scale of the problem deserves greater resources.

“I wouldn’t have waited 13 years had I known about this programme before,” Alberto said. “I used to think the only possible solutions to my problems were suicide or turning myself in to the police.”

According to the most recent official statistics on gender violence in Italy, released in 2006, more than one in three women aged 16-70 has suffered some form of sexual or physical violence at least once in their lives.

And every year more than 100 Italian women are killed as the result of gender-based violence, women’s groups say.

Although there has been no research into the impact of Italy’s drawn-out financial crisis on relationships, experts have noticed that situations which would not have ended in a physical fight had the economy been better are now provoking violence.

“Separations are getting more complicated nowadays, dividing up a home or finding another place to stay can become impossible,” said Alessandra Pauncz, a psychologist and the founder of Florence-based Centro Ascolto Uomini (CAM), the first centre in the country to work with violent men.

She said violent men may admit they have been responsible for some sort of violent behaviour, but they tend to minimise it: “They see themselves as victims of their partners”.

Podio also noted how the economic crisis was affecting men “disproportionately”, partly because they make up more of the thinning workforce.


Alberto is among what people working in the field say is a growing number of men who are voluntarily seeking help to end their violent behaviour.

Helping men who act violently means tackling gender violence at its roots, said Roberto Poggi, a member of “Il Cerchio degli Uomini” (The Circle of Men), a Turin-based organisation of men working with violent men.

“In the immediate aftermath of violence we’re dealing with an emergency and so it is paramount to protect the woman, to give her medical care and to shield her from further violence,” Poggi told Thomson Reuters Foundation.

“(But in the long run), gender violence is something that deeply concerns men because they are the ones committing it.”

Poggi, a counsellor with several years of experience, said many of the men he has had one-on-one therapy sessions with were taken aback by the independence of their female partners. “It can be because they are working women, women with career aspirations, successful women,” he said.

Other men refuse to accept their partners ending the relationship – and these were the ones more likely to explode into violence, Poggi said.

“The vulnerability of a man is born out of the consciousness that he’s losing power in a relationship – and that he can’t lose it because he is a man,” he said. “This is the culture.”

Chauvinism is so ingrained that at home and abroad, the image of the Italian male has barely evolved past the charming ladies’ man immortalised by actor Marcello Mastroianni in Federico Fellini’s 1960s movie La Dolce Vita.

Several decades later, with his penchant for promoting beautiful, young women and an unshakeable belief in his own sexual prowess, former prime minister Silvio Berlusconi embodied a rich, powerful masculinity that many Italian men envied.

Such dominating male role models have perpetuated the perception that Italian women are, by contrast, fit for little more than the kitchen or the bedroom.

“We haven’t been able to change this idea of of the woman that we have in our country,” said Cecilia Guerra, deputy minister for the Equal Opportunity commission.

“It all begins in schools with textbooks portraying women always holding less prestigious jobs than men,” she told Thomson Reuters Foundation. “We grow up in this culture.”

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Domestic violence is a theme at the Thomson Reuters Foundation international conference on women’s rights opening in London on Dec 3.

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